dead relatives

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Kiba, Apr 9, 2007.

  1. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    It wasnt suicide but i dint know were to put this...

    My aunt died of cancer

    My rabbit died one week after my aunt died

    My brother(medical child) died one day b4 his birthday :sad:

    My gerbils died

    I just feel like its all my fault...

    I wasnt there for my aunt or my brother. I loved them very much :'(

    Anyway idk why Im saying this... I guess I just want people to know why i am so sad. I just... idk
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    That is a lot of loss that you have suffered.

    What makes it your fault?

    Part of the grief process is blaming yourself for something. But try and rationalise it. Could you have done anything to save them? No, you loved them all and that's why the loss hurts so bad.

    I don't have any advice, but I have suffered a lot of loss within the last 15 months myself, so I really can relate to what you are going through.

    Keep talking about what is going on for you, how you feel, etc.

    Hang in there
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I understand how you feel. It seems losses don't just come one at a time. Sometimes we are not allowed to fully grieve one loss befor another hits. It is okay for you to be sad swift. You said you were unable to be there for your aunt and brother. i am sure they knew you loved them very much and would have been there had the circumstances allowed. When did these losses happen? How far apart were they? Give yourself time to work through the grieving process. There are no limits as to how long this will be. Some people work through it quickly while others take a long time. Know that you are in our thoughts. :hug:
  4. imheretohelp

    imheretohelp Member

    how can any of those deaths be your fault, i know this dosnt sound right but bad things happen to good people, both my grannys died of cancer and both raised money for important charitys. they both died but i only knew one, she lived until i was 12 when she died, it felt like my world had ended. i went on my bike and cycle 40km to a park she used to bring me to and i climbed the highest tree i could overlokking a patch where me,my granny, my aunty and my cousins would have picnics and that made me feel good because i felt like it was just me and her there in the tree, no death can ever be youre fault, dont even consider it, i did that when my brother took a delierate OD and he died. i thought it was my fault but now i realise it wasnt. his life was just turning to shit and the amount of pressure on him outweighed his coping skills
  5. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I understand how you feel. For some reason, when people we love die, we find a way to blame ourselves. For example, my Dad died in a car accident...I was and am devastated by this. Well, I was 16 at the time, and I have always blamed myself because that day, I did what I often did (much to my Dad's chagrin); I parked my car behind his, so he ended up taking my Mom's car...still a nice, safe car, but not AS safe. Anyway, I blamed myself for so long...but I grew to realize that everything that happens is a part of a greater destiny...perhaps a destiny that we cannot presently understand. I believe that people are taken from us when they are "done". When they have learned what they need to learn, experienced what was important for their growth, etc. NOT your fault...just the way the world works...I believe that those we love are deliriously happy in another place, and we will eventually join them...but no need to rush :)
  6. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I'm really so sorry for your losses,it's a natural feeling you know when someone passes away you feel if I only was there to do this for them,I only told them I loved them more etc.But let me tell you nothing is your fault,sadly these people so dear to you including your pet's have passed away and it hurt's you so much.

    I know you're feeling so sad,recently I remember losing my cat at one stage and I remembered a time I said to it move like sought of get out of the way.and something silly like that was enough to almost bring me down.
  7. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    When i was 11 my best friend was run over by a lorry and instantly killed he to was 11

    At the age of 18 my cousin drowned in a canal he was 16 and his father my uncle pulled his dead son from the water after 2 hours

    At 27 my dear friend committed suicide
    she was 25

    In the few years that followed both my grandmothers died of cancer.

    At 42 my dear friend dropped dead in her garden age 42 - blood clot leaving 3 children

    age 42 my other friend lost her little girl Charlie age 7 to cancer

    Age 42 my partner lost his mum and dad - cancer

    Age 43 my Aunties was found dead in her chair age 68

    Feb 13th 2007 my soul mate died in a fire age 59

    Im now 44

    For all those love and lost never to be forgotten the pain is raw and neverending for us all
  8. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    at 12 my grandma died in a house fire

    at 15 just two weeks from my 16 birthday my mom age 48 died from cancer

    at 17 my cousin shot himself and died by suicide

    at 18 one year later my cousins son did the same thing and shot himself and died by suicide

    at 20 my 16 year old cousin on my moms side was killed by a drunk driver

    At 22 my 48 year old cousin on my moms side again died by a drunk driver as well as his best friend and my friend

    at 25 my best friend brenda died by suicide from an od

    at 27 i attempted my life by od but survived

    at 29 i attempted my life by od again but survived

    at 32 i attempted my life by od and survived once again.

    i now have asthma , heart disease and just learned i now have cancer.

    i can relate to your pain!
  9. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    and i to yours im so sorry about your losses you are probably able to truely understand how it can destro a person and lifw is tough for us all i know
    Thanks for your reply

  10. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member

    My cousin died in an automobile accident in 1994.

    My oldest uncle died of liver cirrhosis in 1997.

    My grandma (mum's side) died of alzhemier's disease in 1999.

    My former schoolmate died in an automobile accident in 2002.

    My aunt died of bowel cancer in 2003.
    * I will never forget the day her of her funeral because my dad was talking shit that day and acting as if he is the only person who doesn't feel sad since he was smiling and joking around happily. He was busy talking shit while others are mourning. What a jerk!

    My turtles (whom I love so much) died in 2006.

    ** This year, someone I love so dearly will die. There is a possibility she might make it till 2008 but thats the longest she could last. I don't think I can be prepared for that even though I know it for some time already..