Dead through and through

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Isa, Aug 22, 2007.

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  1. Isa

    Isa Well-Known Member

    Broken fucking heart and no one cares.. can't talk to anyone.. why cant he just be honest with me, im a dirty used whore, tainted from years of shit from other guys, on top of that im ugly, fat and stupid... my only skill was writing and now i realised i suck at that too..

    I have to die.. I cant take this any more.. I hate myself.. hes right to run away, I saw this coming, he just should of done it sooner, maybe it would of hurt less...

    Why would anyone want to go out with a filthy little slut anyway.. and I used to be his princess, and that made me feel so good (sorry for the use of the word princess N.B.)... and now Im just a rejected piece of crap..

    He cant even bare to talk to me

    And who could blame him, Nick moved to Norway and my Dad went into a psychiatric unit to get away from me

    I have no one and for good reason, I treid to stop the cycle, tried to be a good person, tried to help people and be lovable, I wanted someone to love me, someone to see me for who I am, the girl behidn the jokes and the scars

    And now he cant remember a single reason why he liked me in the first place


    and neither can i

    Cant sleep, too upset, cant stay awake, too stressed, im going crazy, this has to end, in a few hours i can buy paracetemol, i cant afford alcahol, i might have to steal from my mom, ill have to think this all over... i cant cope
     
  2. allofme

    allofme Staff Alumni

    hi Isa...
    i am really sorry to hear of your dad and Nick.. sometimes it seems that things just want to pile up all at the same time.. the one thing i hope you will know is that you are not filthy.. regardless of your past actions every day.. heck every minute is the oppertunity to start being who you know you are.. please put away those things of past actions and know that you were and are loved for who you are.. it could be that you are having trouble realizing who that person is.. if people are leaving it could be because or their issues not yours.. Break ups can be so stressful and the first thing we want to do is beat ourselves up for it.. please dont do anything rash.. or permenant... you can find your way to a better place.. and please see yourself through the eyes of someone who cares for you... we have not talked but i am sure there are ppl here who care very much how you are doing .. hugs... and please be safe...
     
  3. Isa

    Isa Well-Known Member

    we have talked allofme, i read through happy birthday pms from you in 2006 just this morning, but that was when i was called nightmares..

    My boyfriend Joe just broke up with me... he claimed it was because im too 'high maintenance' (aka suicidal, depressed, manipulative, weird)

    but its not.. trouble started the day we met up IRL, things changed then

    ITs because im ugly

    and any confidence he gave me, that helped me survive this year, is all gone now

    its all gone

    and ive had enough

    everything is LIES

    its time to die
     
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You are not an ugly person Isa. You are a beautiful person. You can break the cycle. I am sorry about what has been going on for you recently and in the past. We haven't spoken alot recently and for that i am sorry. I am still here for you if you need to talk. You are worth every second of time i would spend with you. Please try to hold on Isa. i don't want to see you hurt. :hug:
     
  5. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    :wub: Isa and you know it.
     
  6. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Don't give up. it all seems doom and gloom but I bet you can over come this and come back stronger than ever.
     
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