Not been here for a long time. I feel more worthless now than ever. I've wanted to end things before but this time it feels different. There was a fear before, a fear of death, of who I'd be leaving behind, the unknown. That seems to have gone now... replaced with apathy towards everything that should mean something to me. It seems like the right time to go. I don't care about the mess I'll be leaving behind or how family/friends will have to deal with it. I need to just do it. Do it for me because I think I deserve better than what I've got and the cards I've been dealt. I deserve not to feel inadequate. I deserve not to have my mind racing, throwing up images of my pitiful existence, taunting me, letting me know I can and will never be good enough. I deserve better. I deserve total, uninterrupted rest.