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Dealing With A Break Up

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by 247j, Feb 14, 2009.

  1. 247j

    247j Active Member

    Well I thought this may be a useful post.

    It's valentines day and while those lucky few may have someone to spend this very special day with there are many of us who don't.

    So for those who don't and may have gone through a pretty bad break up here is my advice to help you.


    Well without going into to much detail about my past with my girl friend I had been with her for two and a half years and two days ago we split up we came through so much and now it's over.

    I could go through the whole "she was my soul mate" and the "we weren't like the average teen couple" I can go through all that to try and make you understand how special our relationship was but to be honest no matter how long you have been with someone from a day to two years no matter what your relationship was like whether it was loving or you were always arguing if you could trust, confide in and love that person then no matter what it's going to hurt like hell when you split with them.

    When you first split with your partner it will hurt, it can come to a shock to the system not knowing what to do, upset, anger, hurt, pain, numbness there all natural feelings what ever you feel at this time is ok.

    The first thing you need to accept is that it's ok to hurt losing someone you have been with for such a long time is like grief for me my girl friend lives so far away so splitting up means I wont see her or bump into her and all contact has ceased so sometimes it can be like this person has died.

    Someone who has been such a regular part of your daily routine and life, it's so hard to deal with when that person is gone it's like there is a huge hole a missing part in your life.

    Everything reminds you of them, songs, movies, the morning to the setting sun in all things beautiful you see that person.

    But here is the important bit you have two options right now to deal with this pain.

    You need to understand it's not going to go away with the click of a finger you can't ignore it either.

    You need to grieve you need to cry and let out the pain this is a good step it doesn't make you weak let the pain out it's ok to cry, it's ok.

    Now your choice is to put your life on a stand still and just give in this seems like the easiest thing to do, when your so weak to go on you want to give in just cut yourself off from the world, when the most important thing in this world has gone from your life it's almost like there's no point to go on to carry on.

    It's ok to feel like this, it's normal BUT that's not the path you want to go down.

    You have to let the emotion of the break up hit you, you have to cry or it will break you inside it will stay with you.

    But at the same time you need to move on you need to let your life go on, what good does it do to give in how does it help anyone.

    Putting your life on hold doesn't help you it will only make things worse, things will get to you more.

    You have to plod on I was once told IF YOU WANT A RAINBOW YOU HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THE RAIN.

    We all have a choice we have a choice to let ourselves become bitter people, but do you really want to be bitter yes it's so hard but you have to hold on to hope, hope that one day you will love again, you will care again it may seem impossible to think that now but cling on to that hope if it's there let that tiny little spec of hope keep you fighting let it keep you strong.

    It's so easy to let the people we have loved and lost control our world to let them become the centre of our life because we once had them but now they're gone. It's so easy to let it consume your life to make it all you think about and then we get into this place where all we focus on is what we don't have rather than on what we DO have.

    I promise you this no matter how broken hearted you are your heart will heal my heart will heal, so will yours, you just need to accept this and give it a chance to recover. Your heart will never be the same again because our partners have left such imprints on our heart that will last for a lifetime but one day we will be able to look back on those memories as positive ones they mould who we become we choose to let them make us bitter or not. But if you don't close yourself off and don't let yourself become bitter I promise your heart will heal.

    We have to accept a few truths we can't make anyone love us if someone doesn't love us or can't be with us for what ever reason we need to hold our self worth see that we deserve better and to not let ourselves get hurt.

    Hold onto that hope, the hope of tommorow take each day one step at a time and don't give up on hope.

    Your worth so much.

    Remember that.

    Sorry if this was a bit of a ramble but I hope it helped in some way.

  2. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    hard to believe such a senseless lie
  3. FoReVeR LoSt

    FoReVeR LoSt Well-Known Member

    i'm going through a break up right now and i'm feeling all of what you have written. I don't know how to cope...i've been drinking a lot, but that's never a good thing. I just wish it were easier
  4. ame solitaire

    ame solitaire Well-Known Member

    Im in a similar situation(very complicated)and destroyed.Although I have the "we might get back together "carrot dangled under my nose...:sad: