Dealing with a location? Help Needed!

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by SowrongSowrong, Apr 27, 2011.

  1. SowrongSowrong

    SowrongSowrong Active Member

    It's almost two years since me and my ex broke up, I still miss her heavily in periods. What I wonder now is: I'm going to a city for the first time in many years, last time I was there it was with my ex, and it was also the place I met my ex and fell in love with her. The whole place reminds me more or less of her, the stores, the park, well everything, even the trains (which is how I will travel). Is there anyway to deal with these memories? Do they get better when I've spent some time there? Just the thought of going into the store were we first kissed or the park were we lay in the grass destroys my insides :(

    I really want to go there again, it's a nice city where I would someday like to move to, I don't want this shit to hold me back anymore, but on the other side I don't want to completely crush my heart once more by reliving everything we did.

    Any help, suggestions, or actually anything is welcome here.
    Just for your information, me and my ex were together for 3 years, it was a happy relationship and we were best friends, just so you know that this isn't a thread made for whining, I am dead serious about this and really want to know how to deal with this stuff, which clearly stops me from doing what I want with my life.
     
  2. SuperMoon

    SuperMoon Active Member

    It sounds like there hasn't been enough emotional distance and time for you to feel "neutral" about going back to this city so I'm thinking you will inevitably be mourning the loss of your relationship in a significant way.

    If you think this will cause you serious emotional breakdowns (i.e. suicidal thoughts), perhaps making an effort to avoid the specific places that remind you of the relationship would be best. I'm sure there are new parts of the city you can discover and make new memories from.

    I'm not necessarily an advocate of "avoidance" but only you can be the judge of how hard it's all going to hit you.

    Then again, it may be very cathartic for you and could be the very thing you need. Sort of to think fondly of the memories you did share but also use this trip to say "goodbye" to that part of your life.

    I would suggest that you bring a journal/notebook and sit in the park you spent time with your ex and write her a letter, that you don't send her.
    It's important to get those feelings and thoughts out, in my opinion. Otherwise, we just end up pushing them down inside and end up dealing with it in maladaptive ways. I personally think it's okay to cry (for both men and women) and often feel like it's a much needed release. I say this because you may end up doing so and if you're not used to that, don't be hard on yourself about it.
    Good Luck! :cheer:
     
  3. SowrongSowrong

    SowrongSowrong Active Member

    Thanks so much for this nice reply.
    Yes I'm confused what to do, if it's best to just avoid it all together, but I hate the feeling of being "trapped" because of memories/feelings.
    As you said maybe it's possible to make those memories into positive energy, but I'm the kind of person that will most likely just find them extremely sad and depressing. I feel like these places and memories are choking me to the point when I just want to stay inside. You would think that after two years it would be better, but to be honest, it's not. Seems like one way or another I will have to deal with this, but I'm afraid as hell to do so.