Hi everyone. I will start with the mandatory "I am not an native English speaker so sorry for my grammar" I do have spell check on to filter the most obvious mistakes, so hopefully I wont make that much of a fool of myself.A couple of years ago I got in a car accident that turned my life around and have been dealing with depression ever since. Here is my story. When I was a child I wasn't one of the popular kids but I had friends , people taught of me as one of the smarter students , because I was doing well in a couple of math competition and exams. Which got me accepted in the best local high school for math. I wasn't doing well in sports and didn't look well so I tried to change myself and started training. And that's when it happened one night when my parents ware taking me home from training a drunk driver crashed in us. I was heavily injured and had to spend a couple of months in hospitals and overall a year away from everybody I knew. After the first two-three months only one injury remained , the nerves of my right arm ware ripped from the spine. Which meant that for me to get some movement back in it I had to go trough a series of surgeries and years of rehabilitation or to remove the arm. And I chose the first option. After all of that I had immense phantom pain which made anything extremely hard to do. It was driving me insane. And started playing a lot of computer games just to focus my self on something else, plus a lot of painkillers made me survive the next few months until I had a surgery to fix my nerves. I still couldn't move my arm at all and had to spend a lot of time on rehabilitation but I was ready to start again with my live as an normal teenage boy. But I was wrong. Soon after that I realized that my old friends ware evading me and I couldn't make any new friends in my new class (had to skip a year) probably it's just not fun to be around the crippled kid when you are seventeen. After that my confidence disappeared I started thinking myself as an outcast. So the next three years ware hell. I tried to make some friends with no results and just felt more out of place. Everyone was having the time of their life and I had to spend all of my time on rehabilitation and my free time on playing games. I just wanted time to go faster. But i hoped that things will change once I got in the university. My senior year was just as horrible while everyone was having the time of their life , I was alone I had nobody to talk to, not a single friend. Yet again the only thing I wanted to start from scratch somewhere else. I tried to focus on my studies and started failing a lot . You see being smart was my ticket out of the situation and failing at it made me feel even worse. But I did it I got accepted in the university I wanted. And when I got there to get a new start I realized that people ware acting the same way, maybe because I was the same person and slowly it crushed me . I started going to a therapist but It didn't help and as I failed all of my exams. I just can't talk to people anymore even writing this thread is extremely difficult. And my hopes of becoming a programmer are crushed. Now I am desperate and feel like there is just no place in this world for me.I am tired of being alone for so many years. And I am thinking of ending my life. I fear the impact it will have on my brother and father , they have been trough a lot too , my mother passed away during the car crash. it's too painful of a subject and none of us talk about it , for the same reason I didn't mention it before. I have found a method with a high mortality , because the last thing I want crippling myself even more, and a plan how to execute it. But above all I don't want to die. But everyday I feel worse than the day before I just don't know how long I can endure it. I can't remember the last time I was happy. I saw that sharing my story may help me and decided to try , I still hope that something can save me and help me change. P.S. Sorry at the end the emotions got the better of me and the last paragraph got a bit chaotic.