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Dealing with family is draining.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by justsomegirl, Feb 11, 2014.

  1. justsomegirl

    justsomegirl Well-Known Member

    Let me preface this post by saying that the content may be a trigger for those with substance abuse issues and/or those with a loved one with a substance abuse issue. I mean the following not as a commentary on that group at large, but specifically in relation to myself and my family. I'm not in a position to comment on or judge anyone else.

    Having said that:

    I'm having a lot of trouble today dealing with my Mom. She has been an alcoholic for my entire life but it's gotten worse the last several years. I won't spend the time to recount and rehash everything. The last several weeks she has been especially angry, and has always scapegoated me. My family and my friends tell me again and again not to take anything she screams at me to heart, but it's hard. It's so hard to hear your own Mother scream at you and to other people that she wishes she'd never had a daughter. That she wishes my suicide attempt would have been successful. All I can think to myself is: what kind of person must I be for my own Mother not to love me?

    Sometimes I have thoughts that make me feel so sick...wishing I would die, wanting to die, but worse yet wishing she would OD again and die. What horrible, horrible, horrible thought to have, I know.

    I don't really know what I am expecting from posting. It's nice to share and emote a little where people will hear me, responses or not. Keeping a journal can be cathartic but it kind of feels like a dead end to store my shitty thoughts.

    I know I just need to keep my head down and go one foot in front of the other, but some days it's just so hard. I'm about to go have coffee with a friend so I'm trying to take productive steps.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Oh hun i am so sorry your mother says those things drinking or not they should never be said I do hope that you are able to keep away from her toxicity if you are able to move away do so as soon as you can ok. some people are just not meant to be mothers. Her illness needs to be looked at but only she can take care of herself and maybe by you leaving she will see the harm she is doing to others and get help for herself

    I am glad you are going out with a friend and hope you can perhaps spend more time with your friend and less time with your mother h ugs
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I'm sorry that your mother treats you this way...my mom can be the same way, and I know how much it can hurt. You aren't a bad person, and your mother should not talk to you like that. She has problems that she needs to deal with. It's easier for her to put the blame on someone else because she can't admit that she's doing anything wrong. That's good that you are spending time with a friend, maybe go out more or spend some time away from your mom when she gets like that.
  4. justsomegirl

    justsomegirl Well-Known Member

    Thanks to you both for such kind responses, it really does make me feel better just to know others are dealing with (and winning against) this kind of thing. I will take both of your advice and try to be out of the house more. I am looking for a job mainly so that I can have a little place of my own; I can't help thinking that all these horrible thoughts I have will ease up when I'm in a safer environment.

    Total eclipse, you're right, and thank you for saying it: not all women are meant to be mothers. I don't know why but that statement really comforts me. Anyway my hangout was nice and things are quiet at the house, so here's to all of us having a good night!
  5. unionfalls

    unionfalls Well-Known Member

    I am sorry that she has said these things to you. There is no excuse for it. I hope things are still calm for you at home. As one who is an alcoholic I apologize, this may be hollow for you, but for one who has been clean and sober for over 5 years now the horrible things said and done when using are inexcusable. Get away from her if you can. My family had to cut me off for their own sake and I am glad they did as it lessened the pain that I inflicted on others. I am sorry you have to deal with this, it is horrible.
  6. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords Eρεβος/Νύξ

    I've been an addict for the past 4 years. My drug wasn't alcohol, it was heroin, but I can tell you that regardless of the substance, addicts share quite a bit in common. Your mother is sick. Drug addiction isn't viewed as a legitimate mental illness by many people, but it is. Your family and friends are correct to tell you not to take anything she says to heart. I know that regardless of how sick she is it hurts to hear that from your mother, but to be honest, right now, she's not your mother. She's not herself. The only things that circle through her head if she's as bad as you say she is are "What should I do to make sure I can get drunk today?" and "How do I keep myself from feeling sick today?". When you spend enough time living the lifestyle of an addict, you start to forget how to be a regular person with feelings and a conscience, and the reason that is, is because you're constantly numbing any feelings you may have. She's forgotten how to be a normal human being, let alone a mother. The best thing you can do is try to stay away from her until/unless she decides it's time to change. Addicts will always hurt whoever is around them. Just know that there's nothing wrong with you as a person, and don't allow yourself to be hurt.