Dealing With Holidays

Yodadan84

Well-Known Member
#1
Dealing With Holidays

Yes folks, It’s that wonderful time of year again. And if you are like me, maybe just the thought of November/December makes you cringe and dread just a little bit more.

But on a serious note, the reason I’m writing this is because this time of year for many IS a cause of a great deal of extra stress, loneliness, financial struggles, family strife, or just depressing/suicidal thoughts or feelings in general. I attribute this to ALL sorts of feelings and views from many different kinds of people, maybe some within your own family, coming together at the same time combined with little or no positive coping skills to go with.

When I was 6 years old, I loved it and thought it was the best time of year. When I was 26, I was suicidal and wanted nothing more than to have this time not exist, and all sorts of feelings in between. I’m 34 now, and(oh isn’t that nice, it’s snowing outside. I should go for a walk with my armadillo later)(sorry I got distracted, just trying to paint the picture) wish to pass along some wisdom or tips to those who may not be doing so well around this time of year or other holidays throughout. So, here goes…

First of all, SLOW DOWN. Calm down, take things on YOUR terms, not what everyone else is doing or telling you to do or how to feel. Guilt, guilt, and more guilt, is what much of the holidays are about unfortunately, and you may have to work to reverse this thinking but you CAN do it, with practice. Ex., I have to get these gifts, I have to feel this happy, I have to have this belief, visit these butt hole relatives I don’t really want to be around in the first place, etc.

I’ll let you in on a little secret; you don’t have to do shit. I mean, says who?(And this ‘guilt’ crap all starts when you’re young by the way) Religion, your relatives, the media/tv news, advertising, the workplace/coworkers, and so on. I don’t know what it is especially about this time of year, but there’s all sorts of feelings shoved on your shoulders that you ‘must’ do this, you ‘must’ buy that, you ‘must’ act this way. Fuck that, I’ll act/buy/do/visit/not visit/believe/not believe and feel how ever I want to feel. Who the fuck are you to put YOUR feelings and YOUR beliefs/views on me? I don’t listen to that horseshit anymore, and you shouldn’t either unless you want to. My point with this is make sure that if you are going to celebrate or not celebrate something, do it for the right reasons, YOUR reasons, and not someone else’s. Don’t allow yourself to have others shove their beliefs on you if you are effected negatively by them.

Relatives
Oh God, help us please…. I think young and old can appreciate this, but let me give you a scenario of how I’ve personally been hurt over the years by this situation;

(Numb, un-empathetic relative)
Hello Dan/Danny,
Still single? Are you gay?(and why is ‘gay’ a bad thing, by the way?!) You must be ‘gay’ if you’re still single. Got a big, important, well paying job yet? No, well you must be a big loser. (Another relative is way over indulging in alcohol at this time making incoherent, rude comments.) Then, another group of cold, heartless relatives sits in the corner and doesn’t even say anything. I mean, why the fuck would you even come over then? Not say or do anything or play on the phone the whole time? WTF is that?! And these same people do this….EVERY…FUCKING…YEAR. HOLY SHIT!!! And tell people you deal with depression/suicidal thought?… Oh ya, good luck with that. Chances are they won’t give a shit or start telling you how bad THEY have it and that you don’t know what you’re talking about.

(My response back then)
Yep, still single. Nope, not married yet. Yep still working at Dominos for minimum wage.(Do you guys have Domino’s Pizza in the UK BTW? Just wondering…) Basically, just caving in to their crap and saying yes sir no sir and having no backbone or self confidence at all. DON’T DO THAT. It destroys self esteem and is in no way shape or form good for you. Separate yourself from these people if you have to, which I know is not easy. But I’m serious, you have to do what’s best for you.

Substances/Abuse

I know this may seem like the go to move, but please stay away from numbing your sorrows or self-harming to deal with these things. They are not good coping skills, and will just make it worse for you in the long run. Also, substances have a way of making a bad situation turn into a REALLY bad situation. Drunk driving, suicidal action, self harm, I’ve done it all and can tell you don’t go that route if it can be avoided. Catch it AHEAD of time by having a plan. The last thing I will tell you from the bottom of my heart in this department is that consequences don’t care if you’re hurting; they don’t care if you had a good reason or not. They will catch up to you, and YOU will be the one who pays. As unfair as that sometimes is, it’s true and I really want to spare you of unnecessary suffering.

Conclusion
Basically, I’m saying that whatever holiday you encounter throughout the year to just remember; It’s just another day. DO NOT feel guilt for what you have no reason to feel guilty for. Try not to feel too lonely and remember, many other people are lonely too. Hell, I’ll be alone for much of the holiday season… if that helps lol. DON’T let other people or relatives put you down for not meeting their standards(standards, I might add, that they usually don’t meet themselves). Separate yourself from this unfair judgment if need be, or stick with the family or friends that agree if possible. And also lastly, I will say this.

I personally hate thanksgiving and x-mas(notice the small case lettering, hmm?) along with all the other ridiculous, inaccurate holidays and think that our culture/society would be much better putting it’s energy into more positive things. I used to get so anxious and angry whenever this time of year rolled around(hell, I would dread it just thinking about it in July!) But now I see it for what it is, truly good and bad rolled into one, and I make the most from it because that’s what I want to exist in my heart. I look at those days as bullshit days, yes, but also use it as an opportunity to connect with the few family members that I love, or send someone or do something nice for someone not because of the holiday or because ‘I have to’, but because it’s who I choose to be and how I choose to deal with something I don’t like. That’s very important and necessary in life, probably a more important thought now that I think of it.

Ok, that’s it. I hope this helps someone. Or pisses off someone. I will consider both an achievement

The one, the only, Yodadan
 

Lotus

Pariah...
SF Supporter
#2
An excellent post with many well thought out and helpful suggestions. Thank you for taking the time to post this :D
 

Claudia UK

Well-Known Member
#3
Dealing With Holidays

Yes folks, It’s that wonderful time of year again. And if you are like me, maybe just the thought of November/December makes you cringe and dread just a little bit more.

But on a serious note, the reason I’m writing this is because this time of year for many IS a cause of a great deal of extra stress, loneliness, financial struggles, family strife, or just depressing/suicidal thoughts or feelings in general. I attribute this to ALL sorts of feelings and views from many different kinds of people, maybe some within your own family, coming together at the same time combined with little or no positive coping skills to go with.

When I was 6 years old, I loved it and thought it was the best time of year. When I was 26, I was suicidal and wanted nothing more than to have this time not exist, and all sorts of feelings in between. I’m 34 now, and(oh isn’t that nice, it’s snowing outside. I should go for a walk with my armadillo later)(sorry I got distracted, just trying to paint the picture) wish to pass along some wisdom or tips to those who may not be doing so well around this time of year or other holidays throughout. So, here goes…

First of all, SLOW DOWN. Calm down, take things on YOUR terms, not what everyone else is doing or telling you to do or how to feel. Guilt, guilt, and more guilt, is what much of the holidays are about unfortunately, and you may have to work to reverse this thinking but you CAN do it, with practice. Ex., I have to get these gifts, I have to feel this happy, I have to have this belief, visit these butt hole relatives I don’t really want to be around in the first place, etc.

I’ll let you in on a little secret; you don’t have to do shit. I mean, says who?(And this ‘guilt’ crap all starts when you’re young by the way) Religion, your relatives, the media/tv news, advertising, the workplace/coworkers, and so on. I don’t know what it is especially about this time of year, but there’s all sorts of feelings shoved on your shoulders that you ‘must’ do this, you ‘must’ buy that, you ‘must’ act this way. Fuck that, I’ll act/buy/do/visit/not visit/believe/not believe and feel how ever I want to feel. Who the fuck are you to put YOUR feelings and YOUR beliefs/views on me? I don’t listen to that horseshit anymore, and you shouldn’t either unless you want to. My point with this is make sure that if you are going to celebrate or not celebrate something, do it for the right reasons, YOUR reasons, and not someone else’s. Don’t allow yourself to have others shove their beliefs on you if you are effected negatively by them.

Relatives
Oh God, help us please…. I think young and old can appreciate this, but let me give you a scenario of how I’ve personally been hurt over the years by this situation;

(Numb, un-empathetic relative)
Hello Dan/Danny,
Still single? Are you gay?(and why is ‘gay’ a bad thing, by the way?!) You must be ‘gay’ if you’re still single. Got a big, important, well paying job yet? No, well you must be a big loser. (Another relative is way over indulging in alcohol at this time making incoherent, rude comments.) Then, another group of cold, heartless relatives sits in the corner and doesn’t even say anything. I mean, why the fuck would you even come over then? Not say or do anything or play on the phone the whole time? WTF is that?! And these same people do this….EVERY…FUCKING…YEAR. HOLY SHIT!!! And tell people you deal with depression/suicidal thought?… Oh ya, good luck with that. Chances are they won’t give a shit or start telling you how bad THEY have it and that you don’t know what you’re talking about.

(My response back then)
Yep, still single. Nope, not married yet. Yep still working at Dominos for minimum wage.(Do you guys have Domino’s Pizza in the UK BTW? Just wondering…) Basically, just caving in to their crap and saying yes sir no sir and having no backbone or self confidence at all. DON’T DO THAT. It destroys self esteem and is in no way shape or form good for you. Separate yourself from these people if you have to, which I know is not easy. But I’m serious, you have to do what’s best for you.

Substances/Abuse

I know this may seem like the go to move, but please stay away from numbing your sorrows or self-harming to deal with these things. They are not good coping skills, and will just make it worse for you in the long run. Also, substances have a way of making a bad situation turn into a REALLY bad situation. Drunk driving, suicidal action, self harm, I’ve done it all and can tell you don’t go that route if it can be avoided. Catch it AHEAD of time by having a plan. The last thing I will tell you from the bottom of my heart in this department is that consequences don’t care if you’re hurting; they don’t care if you had a good reason or not. They will catch up to you, and YOU will be the one who pays. As unfair as that sometimes is, it’s true and I really want to spare you of unnecessary suffering.

Conclusion
Basically, I’m saying that whatever holiday you encounter throughout the year to just remember; It’s just another day. DO NOT feel guilt for what you have no reason to feel guilty for. Try not to feel too lonely and remember, many other people are lonely too. Hell, I’ll be alone for much of the holiday season… if that helps lol. DON’T let other people or relatives put you down for not meeting their standards(standards, I might add, that they usually don’t meet themselves). Separate yourself from this unfair judgment if need be, or stick with the family or friends that agree if possible. And also lastly, I will say this.

I personally hate thanksgiving and x-mas(notice the small case lettering, hmm?) along with all the other ridiculous, inaccurate holidays and think that our culture/society would be much better putting it’s energy into more positive things. I used to get so anxious and angry whenever this time of year rolled around(hell, I would dread it just thinking about it in July!) But now I see it for what it is, truly good and bad rolled into one, and I make the most from it because that’s what I want to exist in my heart. I look at those days as bullshit days, yes, but also use it as an opportunity to connect with the few family members that I love, or send someone or do something nice for someone not because of the holiday or because ‘I have to’, but because it’s who I choose to be and how I choose to deal with something I don’t like. That’s very important and necessary in life, probably a more important thought now that I think of it.

Ok, that’s it. I hope this helps someone. Or pisses off someone. I will consider both an achievement

The one, the only, Yodadan
Well spoken Yodadan!
 

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