Dealing with Loss

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Matt Skiba, Apr 25, 2008.

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  1. Matt Skiba

    Matt Skiba Active Member

    Apologies first of all for this being my first post.
    Like most new people on here i'm guessing, you find me in a state of distress. at the moment, this all just needs to be over, and the scariest thing is i'm not hysterical or in tears right now. I'm feeling very calm and methodical. I feel like i've accepted my fate.
    I've lost everything.
    I've lost my sanity it seems, i've turned completely agorophobic, and now i'm lost my girlfriend/best friend. She is seeing someone new, and i can't handle it.
    I've lost my hopes for the future, i used to always want kids, but now i can't help but worry about not being able to cope with it. I've lost the will to be in a relationship anymore, i dont think its fair to anyone to be with me as i can't cope with it being over, and most relationships end in the end. I've only had one.
    There is no hope in the future at all, the doc has put me up to the highest dosage of meds he can, i'm on the waiting list for the psychoanalytic therapy, but whats next?
    There is no magic cure, i should know, i'm a psychology student.
    I may as well just get it over with now
  2. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Firstly, Welcome to SF, Matt :hug:

    I don't think it's that strange that you are calm and methodical rather than in tears or hysterical. That happens to more people, I know it happened to me at times. :dunno:

    I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend :sad: Break-ups are hard, and can take a lot of time to be given a place in your heart.
    Out of curiosity, can I ask how long you'd been together for?
    Unfortunately I can't really offer a lot of comfort, as I'm not too good on the relationship-area myself, but I would suggest to find distractions. Go out with mates, practice a hobby, etc.
    Beside that it might help to get things off your chest every now and then. Which you're always welcome to do here, of course.

    Whatever you choose to do, I hope you will not end your life.

  3. Matt Skiba

    Matt Skiba Active Member

    we were together for almost 3 and half years.
    The worst thing is that i've lost the only person who knows what's really going on and the only person i could talk to.
    For the first time in years i feel genuinely alone.
  4. Coliboo

    Coliboo Member

    Matt a lot of us feel that way. Take care hun xx

    Col xx
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum Matt. I am sorry you are feeling this way right now. Please give yourself time before you make any life altering decisions. Share with us and maybe we can help you find other options than what you are currently considering. Stay safe and take care. :hug:
  6. Matt Skiba

    Matt Skiba Active Member

    I know so many people on here will know what i'm talking about here, but i've been on the meds for over a year and half now, and i felt like i'm starting to even out a bit, and then this happens.
    I'm not good at loss, i dont think i could put anyone thru being with me again. Its not fair on them
    Right now i just feel like i'll end up killing myself, i just don't know when. I feel trapped in this life, because my parents are so supportive and helpful to me, they do everything they can to help, i can't do it. maybe if they were horrible i'd not feel trapped
  7. carol2237

    carol2237 Guest

    First, Welcome to The forums hunny. It is nice seeing new people, even thought the circumstances are not the best.

    Next, I am sorry you are feeling so low at the moment. It is always hard to lose someone you thought would always be with you. I dont think it is at all unusual for you to be calm rather then hysterical. I am the same way, I find that I tend to keep everything on the inside, not letting people around me see the pain i am in. Maybe you are the same way. If that is the case, I suggest you try posting exactly what you are bottling in the forums. I know that can be personal, so if you dont want comments on it, we have a room where no one can comment.

    All I can say about how you are feeling is to give it time. Think things over, you may not think it is fair for people to be with you, but think of how unfair it would be for people to be without you. It seems to me, although I dont really know all that much about you, that you have really caring parents. Maybe think about telling them how you feel. They might be able to help you.

    Feel free to PM me at any time if you need to talk hun. Take care *huggles*

  8. Matt Skiba

    Matt Skiba Active Member

    Both my parents know i've been on meds for over a year and half but i dont involved them in what i'm thinking. I'm afraid they'd worry, thats only natural, but why do i need to make more people feel bad just coz i am? That doesnt seem fair to me, and yeah, i guess its in the job description of being a parent but i just can't.
    The only way i can keep from breaking down right now over my ex is by staying constantly angry. I went and played squash with my best friend today and that helped, but it doesnt last forever. I just can't deal with this at the mo
  9. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You need to allow yourself to feel whatever feeling you need to about your ex and the breakup. Trying to hold them back only causes them to fester and become worse. You may feel, angry, sad, betrayed, lonely, afraid, and many other emotions I failed to mention. You mentioned that you felt your meds were working until lately. For that I am happy for you. The end of your relationship may be what caused the change in your feelings, but it is also possible your meds need to be adjusted. Make sure you talk to your care provider about these changes in thoughts and feelings. they might want to monitor you and see if they feel an adjustment is in order. We all have setbacks. The key is knowing that it doesn't have to stay that way. Things can, and often times do, change for the better eventually. Don't give up. You have fought long and hard. It has not been a wasted effort. :hug:
  10. Matt Skiba

    Matt Skiba Active Member

    thank you for the kind words.
    Yeah my meds just got increased, i'd kinda outgrown the dosage so doc doubled my dosage. I feel like the two little pills i'm taking in the morning are just sitting in the corners of my eyes not allowing me to cry. Which is weird, coz i cry a lot.
    Its just a huge set back. i was do well. I have done all the psychiatric appointments and am now on the HUGE waiting list for therapy.
    I just am not at dealing with things, and all day every day i'm looking at the trees in my garden wondering about which one would hold my weight
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