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dealing with supressed grief through suicide

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by jackie29, Apr 20, 2009.

  1. jackie29

    jackie29 Member

    hi i am new here so here goes on the 16th of june 2007 my sister commited suicide. i was 1 of the people who found her, she hanged herself. i was very close to my sister and i knew she was felling low after having her son and through the breakup of her relationship to her kid's father but i never thought she would have left us or her child. i am really in a strange place as i feel as if i am refuse to acknowladge what has happened and i think this is why i am not coping with it . i am keeping everthing inside and i feel as if i am cracking up i dont know where to start to get the grief out
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister.

    Have you ever sought professional help? You might find grief counselling to be beneficial to help you through the pain and denial.

    Do you want to talk here about anything? I hear that you're keeping it all inside, is there anything that you want to get out here?

    There are lots of ways you can express grief, writing (letters, poems, etc), art, drawing, speaking, therapy, sculpture, lots of different ways. Different things work for different people, so hopefully if you start experimenting, you will find what works for you. It won't be easy, far from it, grief is a horrific thing to go through, but the more you hold it in, the more it will hurt and the more painful it will be.

    Please keep posting if you think it will help.
  3. jackie29

    jackie29 Member

    i am awiting an appointment for psycotherepy. i went for counselling a month after it happened but i felt i couldnt talk and that is was too soon after.i really dont no where to start. there are days that i can go about and do the normal things then theres other days where it floors me. i feel alone as i cant commuicate with my mum as she is dealing with this in her own way she makes me feel that what i think or feel dosent really matter. the pain inside me is growing and sometimes it becomes overwhelming and i feel out of control thats when i have a drink or i self-harm
  4. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your sister Jackie :hug:.

    It does sound like you've been bottling everything up inside you.

    I hope you find that we are able to support you.

    Big hugs, Claire xx
  5. jackie29

    jackie29 Member

    today has been one hell of a day everything just seems to be reminding me of my sister. it's either a programme she used to watch or a song she used to play all the time it brought a smile to my face at 1st then i remembered she is not here and then it hit's me what she done. all that is going through my mind is WHY WHY WHY. have i done something that made her do it could i have done more mabey she would still be here i feel so lost in my own head. i sometimes feel like i am floating along and not even realise whats going on :mad:
  6. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    Your sister was going through her own issues, it is NOT your fault. :hug: It sounds like you're blaming yourself and that's not healthy.
    Has your appointment come through yet? I really think it would benefit you to let this out in person.
  7. jackie29

    jackie29 Member

    i do bame myself as i felt i was to blame as i was too hard on her this time in the past i have tried to help her in what i was doing was right giving her some of my meds but on the tuesday before she died she came to mine and i knew she wasnt right and she asked for some of my meds but this time i said no,i wanted her to seek help,try to make her see there was help out there but she died on the sat i had tried to get a hold of her that day but her mobile rang out which wasnt unusal as her phone was always on silent but still no word by dinner time thats when i knew i had to make sure she was ok and after that thats when my hell began :sad:
  8. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry today has been difficult for you.

    You are still grieving & at the risk of sounding like a therapist (sorry), blame & guilt is one of the stages of the grieving process.

    What happened was not your fault honey. I'm sure your sister wouldn't want you to blame yourself.

  9. jackie29

    jackie29 Member

    sometimes it just gets all too much and i cant handle it i want to run away. i havent been up to the cemetry since feb when it was her birthday even then i left quite sharply.when it 1st happened i was up evryday day then week now i cant handle being their :sad:
  10. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Sometimes it's hard to go to the cemetery :hug:. Just because you haven't been doesn't mean you don't care any less or have forgotten.

    It's important to put yourself first & if having a break from there is what you need right now then just take some time out.

    You can remember the good times without visiting the cemetery :console:.
  11. Aaron

    Aaron Well-Known Member

    My brother committed suicide 28 years ago and I've only just begun to grieve.

    I have only been to the cemetary once.....28 years ago.

    Surpressed grief is a terrible thing.
  12. jackie29

    jackie29 Member

    i am so sorry for ur loss xxx i am 29 my sis was 22 when she died 2 years sgo but ot feels like a long time ago xxx i am all over the place as i have never have feelings like this before
  13. jackie29

    jackie29 Member

    i have been awake most of the nite everytime i closed my eyes i seen my sister the way we found her my head is very sore think i have a tension headache :sad:
  14. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy

    its been a few weeks since you have heard anything, i was just seeing how you are doing. my friend hung himself in march. it's tough. i tried to last night. if you ever need to talk i am here for you.
  15. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Im so sorry for your loss :(