dealing with toxic step-moms or parents in general

#1
so I don't know how to start this but here's what's happening, I have a very toxic step-mom who I try to avoid most of the time, I'm always in my room studying and only get out to help with the chores or eat, and when I do she's always ready to complain about everything I do, like literally all she'd ever talk about is me, whether by directly mentioning my name or by commenting badly about everything I do, and I really try to do everything she wants but her demands are too much because she has 4 kids and they're always messing the house, so I finally stood up for myself today, but I'm emotionally drained because of all of these stuff, and this is really affecting my productivity, I have a big exam coming up and I really don't need anymore pressures, I'm already struggling with anxiety and a lot of stuff, so yeah, and now she wants to move out of our big house to a tiny house, and I'll be sharing a room with her kids, and she literally said that the only reason she's moving out is because of me, she just wants to upset me with everything she could do, and I don't have money to move out, so I'll just study, finish uni, get a job and hopefully move out, but all of this process is gonna be so hard with her making my life like hell, so if anyone's going through something similar please tell me how do you stop focusing on the stuff they tell you all the time and focus on yourself, and I'm sorry if I wrote too much :)
 
#2
Sorry that you're going through this.

It sounds like getting away from her as much as possible, changing the nature of the relationship, or some combination are the basic approaches.

Do you have a relative that you trust that you could live with instead?

A lot of things that would normally be available now are restricted because of Covid, but I'll try to list some things that might be options in principle, even if they are not available at the moment.

I'm not sure how uni is different from college, but here in the US, many students live on campus or nearby while they are taking classes, and are able to get loans that pay for living expenses. You might also be able to go to summer school and also live on campus.

It's possible to get a job as a live-in aid for someone who is elderly or disabled. You have a certain amount of work you have to do each week, and you get free housing and a little money in addition. There may be other forms of live-in work too. Camp counseling is an example of live-in summer-only work.

College towns often have a lot of cheap summer sublets in shared housing, so if you can get a job in the same area, you might at least be able to get away for the summer.

If you can't move out, you might be able to minimize the amount of time that you spend at home. There are certain jobs that primarily require you to be "on-call", but often don't require much work. You might be able to work as a way of getting out of your home, but still be able to study.

Do you have a parent that you could talk to about what's going on? They might be able to propose some solutions.

In principle, family therapy might be an option.

Difficult Conversations, by Stone, Patton, and Heen is a book about dealing with problems in relationships in general. I've never read it, but I came across it while looking up books about relationships.

Some of the treatment or self-treatment methods in this link might help you manage your stress.

Treating Depression, Anxiety, Insomnia, Pain; Other Suicide Help

A meditation practice in particular might be worthwhile.

I hope something can help.
 
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#3
I've also just found this site that has a list of books about mental health health, including mental health issues for young people.

https://reading-well.org.uk/

It's sponsored by the NHS and bunch of other organizations in the UK.

Strictly speaking, the books for young people are for the 12-18 range, but the titles on bullying, stress management, etc., may still be relevant.
 
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#4
thank you so much for taking some of your time and energy to help me, I really appreciate it, I'm trying to find a job but living here is really expensive and the jobs don't pay enough for the rent, bills ,etc.., plus if I move out my dad won't be paying for uni and I can't take out any loans because where I live they don't offer them, and I can't quit uni because if I do I won't have any hope for getting out of this situation, I don't know it's very complicated, but I'll try everything I could and I'll take into consideration your advices, thank you again so much
 
#5
You're welcome! :)
plus if I move out my dad won't be paying for uni
He'll only pay for uni if you live with him? Given the clashes that you're having with your step mom, maybe he could be persuaded to pay for uni even if you live elsewhere.
I can't take out any loans because where I live they don't offer them
Are you sure about this? If you post another thread in this forum with a title like, "Financial Aid in [your country]", folks may be able to help with this. You may be right that there's no financial aid available to you, but there might be something that you missed.
 

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