Dear Adam, (possible trigger for some)

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by carol2237, Mar 6, 2008.

  1. carol2237

    carol2237 Guest

    Dear Adam,

    It is hard to believe that tomorrow will mark the one year since your passing. I miss you so much, and i was not even very close to you, i mean yeah we hung out alot, but we had our differences. I remember when we were little you would come over and play with Sam and i would feel so left out, so my mom would make you play with me. You two would always act so mad, but i could tell you were just acting like that so Sam would think you were too. As we grew up, i saw you less and less... especially after you started hanging out with another group of kids, that Sam didn't want to be a part of. You came over less and less until i saw you about once every 3 or 4 months. But around the time you got to high school, you realized that Sam was a true friend and the others just wanted to get you into drugs and booze... so i saw you alot more.

    You were also in cross country my freshman year, and i was a manager, so we talked alot then. I was so proud of you those races that you got to run varsity. You did great. I was there for your graduation and to hear your valedictorian speech, you were so nervous, but you did great. And then it was off to college. I didn't see you after that summer, with you working and stuff. You had seemed to have fallen off the map. That is until March 8, 2007.

    I will never forget the sound of D-pipe's voice over the announcements saying that a student that graduated last year had died and that the teachers were to read the papers that were in their mailboxes, and send any students that need assistance to guidance. I thought it was some random guy, that i didnt know... but as Mrs Schap read the paper, i realized that it was you. The paper did not mention your name, but i knew it was you. I am still not sure how i knew, but it hit me hard. The whole world seemed to freeze, and i remember Mrs Schap saying something along the lines of "Who the hell cares, i mean the kid was selfish enough to kill himself, but does anyone need to go to guidance? No? Good, lets get started..." I don't know why i didn't raise my hand... i was torn apart inside, yet i held my composure, the mask i wear is stronger than that, to strong sometimes. The next couple of weeks were living hell for me... i was shocked, scared, emotionless. And then i found out how... why Adam? you had so much going for you, but i guess we will never know.

    Now almost a year later, i was sitting in chorus today and Sam Melick brought you up and burst into tears. She was there when the ambulance took you away under the white sheet. She was really upset. I talked to her for about an hour, remembering the times we shared together. She told me about that time when all of the other kids on the bus were picking on her, but you stood up for her, she will never forget you, and neither will I.

    You were a great person Adam, I guess it is hard not knowing why you did it. It would be nice to have some closure on it, not a day goes by when i dont think of your smiling face, gentle caring personality, and everlasting kindness. There is always someone to help you, whether it is a counselor, friend, family member, or someone over the net. I wish you would have known how many people you affected when you passed. Everyone you ever came in contact with, friends, teachers, family, runners you ran against, neighbors, everyone. Well Adam, I hope you are doing well now, an angel in heaven with my grandpa and Sara and all of my other friends and family who have died. I miss you tons hunny and i wish you were still here, and that i would have seen you one last time before you left us.

  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Caroline I'm so sorry that you lost such a wonderful yound man in your life. But take comfort in all the wonderful memories you have of him. You do him a great justice by holding his memories so near and dear to your heart!
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry about your friend Caroline. Anniversaries bring back many different thoughts and feelings. Some of which are not easy to deal with. Adam sounds like he was a wonderful young man. I am sorry that he couldn't ask for help when he needed it. I am glad you have come here and shared things with us. Hold on to the good memories you have of Adam and try to celebrate his life instead of focusing on his passing. :hug:
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    i am sorry for your loss :hug:
  5. What A Wonerful Tribute To Adam.
    The 8th Anniversary Of My Son's Death Is Comingup.

    Your Tribute To Adam Has Helped Me, I Dont Know Exactly How, But Reading It Made Me Cry And Then A Peace Came Over Me. A Warm, Easy Peace.

    I Pray We Can All Find A Warm Peace In The Loses We Have Had To Endure.

    Thank You.
    Be Well.