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Dear April ----Trig-----

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Casey., Apr 22, 2008.

  1. Casey.

    Casey. Well-Known Member

    Sometimes I wonder if you really know how much you hurt me. Sometimes I wonder if you know that I lay awake crying for you. I remember those nights, when you cried and I held you. All that I ask is that you return the favor, April. I hurt so much, and no one understands. It hurts because I don't know if you wanted this. I don't know if it was an accident or if you did it because you wanted me to suffer. I also don't know why you did it. If it was my fault, and if I could have changed anything. Do you know how much you have hurt me? Do you know that I see you? I see you every time I close my eyes, April. I know that it isn't you, I know that, but it hurts. It hurts so much. There hasnt been a whole day where I have gone without thinking of you. I try talking to you, but you never answer me. I have told you things, April, that I wouldn't even admit to myself. I love you April, more than anyone on this entire planet. Do you know that Colin died? He killed himself. Did you know that? Did you know how much that hurt me? I relived what you did to me. Over and over again. I freak out every night because of you, with some sort of anxiety attack. Living without you has turned out to be the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. Sometimes I think that if I had told your secret, if I had told them who it was and what he was doing, you wouldn't have done what you did. I have kept your secret, April. Do you want me to tell? Do you want him to suffer? I will kill him for you, April. I will do anything for you, April. Just tell me. Just tell me something. Just say something.

    I am sorry, April.
    I love you.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    &Rea I cant make the hurt go away but I'm throwing my big old arms around you and hugging you til you feel a little better atleast. Hun I'm here, for anything!