Dear Daddy...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by expressive_child, Jul 10, 2007.

  1. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member

    Hey dad,

    I remember how you used to blame on everything even if its unclear as to who's fault it is. But I guess it don't matter to you long as you have someone to blame, it is ok. Yea, blaming me is the easiest coz you and mum think I am the most inferior and stupid so whatever goes wrong has to be my fault. I remember so clearly how you used to whip me with the belt and hitting me with the umbrella. Can I ever forget that you are the first guy who actually punch me on my face and never apologize?

    I guess you only want me to make you proud all the time but all you ever did was telling me I am an idiot and punish me whenever I didn't do well in school. You have been jobless for almost ten years now and its all because of your pathetic attitude. So what if you have a university degree?! That doesn't change the fact that you are a jerk! You have changed almost ten jobs in less than ten years all because you talk too much. bloody mouth stinks as bad as your sorry ass!

    You brag and brag all the time. You think its so great that you once started your own business?! Yeah and go bankrupt in a year?! With your attitude, you could achieve nothing in life! You never failed in embarassing me by talking shit all the time! All of the things you've done to me, I will never forget and you think I should forgive you - no chance in hell!! But you won't ever apologize anyway. What can I expect from a loser like you anyway?! Well, shame on you then.

    I was only 10 when I attempt to run away from home but you found me coz I can't get far. That doesn't change your ways somehow, it become worst because you lied. You said you will be more understanding but you were talking shit and making false promises. I could've die you know that?! I couldn't even cross the road myself and I walk miles and miles away from home! I remember drinking someone's leftover and talking to a homeless man.

    I was looking like a beggar myself, disappearing for hours and hours alone. I thought of walking on the highway and see where I can get to but I lost my money and I know I am in trouble but I didn't want to go back to my so-called home so I thought I will just linger around. I almost got hit by a car twice! And consider yourself lucky that the you found me before the cops did coz I would've run away from them and get hit by a car for real then! I stole a drink from a nearby supermarket coz I was starving! You almost lost me and you didn't care, guess its all the love you have for me..

    As I think about it, maybe I should've died or get kidnapped then and so I can disappear and you will not treat little brother the same and ruined his life too! You said you will listen to me but you didn't. When grandma does the dishes for me, you yell at me you said it was my fault when it was her who wanted to do it and she insisted so why the hell is it my fault then?!! Yeah..everything is my fault anyway. Thanks to you and mum, my life is so screwed up now and I will never ever forgive you ever!!

    Now its all too late. I will never have any love for you anymore and its not like you deserve any. Even if I die one day, I will not tell you I am sorry or say 'I love you'. Not to you, not to mum. I don't want any funeral at all, I am an organ donor so I want my organs to save someone if they are still useful and hopefully, someone more deserving, not like you or mum! Do you think I like to live like this? To think of you two this way? You could have make it better. Its all done now and life is said...

    If I ever leave you someday, don't expect me to say I am sorry. I won't even bid you goodbye in person. You should consider yourself lucky if I even tell you I am leaving coz in my mind, you don't deserve to even be a man. You are a coward! You are a jerk! Even if I have children one day, they will have to live knowing they have such lousy grandpa like you! Now if you don't realize still, just how much have you ruined my life, then do whatever you want to with your life, its none of my business.

    Dad, I would have disassociate myself from you if I have the chance because you are like a wound affecting my life that won't heal as long as you live. Sometimes I wonder if it is worth living if I have to live life thinking of you as my father. I am losing hope as I am seeing you each day because I don't want to be a failure like you yet everything seems to be so bleak and I can only wonder if I can recover from this.

    Anyway you look at it; it is what you asked for...
  2. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member

    Dear Daddy...go to hell..
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You deserve much better than that expressive child. I hope you someday are able to get yourself away from this situation and find happiness. :hug:
  4. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member

    Thanks gentle lady, love you... :hug:
  5. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    As Corrina said, you deserve much much better than that. I'm sorry about that. You're a great person, remember that, ok? None of that is your fault. I'm here if you need to talk hun. Take care of yourself. :hug:
  6. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member

    Thank Carolyn. You are all great people. :smile:
  7. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    You're welcome. :hug: