Dear "friends"

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by shedhaddock, May 26, 2013.

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  1. shedhaddock

    shedhaddock Banned Member

    Dear "friends" of Pinky,

    I text 5 different people tonight, because i was feeling low and i thought of harming myself. NONE of them text me back or even gave a damn about me. I am only worth something to them when it suits them.

    So then i came to site and went to chat. I sat alone in TS for almost an hour before anyone noticed i was there. So dear "friends" of Pinky, Thank you for clearly not caring about one of your own people here.

    At least i tried to reach out for help. I hope you all feel proud calling yourselves my "friend"

  2. EX1T

    EX1T Member

    I'm sorry :( I know the feeling, in fact, I often sit here literally begging for my own family to reach out and I'm met with a wall of resentment and being ignored.

    I don't use the chat room here, but if I did, I would have said hello.,, a wall of silence is worse than anything else.
  3. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    I'm back in chat. Message me. If you ever need to message to me urgent, just say it's important and you know I'll be there if it is possible. You have my direct contact info.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Im sorry you feel so isolated hun but many times people go to chat because they too are in trouble and not feeling well or feeling silenced by their own pain
  5. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    Pinky, sorry I did not go look for you in chat.. If you get down and need a person to talk to is always ok to message me.. If awake I will join you..
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm sorry too. I saw you in chat but you had the away icon on display so I did not attempt to even say hi. We do care pinky, even if it is hard to see it sometimes, if you need(want) to talk message me on the forum or in chat.
  7. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I'm so sorry you felt ignored...I never really go into chat anymore or even post much on here...I seem to be in a bad place myself lately. People never text me either, or talk to me that I know that feeling all too well. But my inbox is always open if you need to talk about anything, and I'll answer promptly :hug:
  8. shedhaddock

    shedhaddock Banned Member

    I got like 2 hours asleep again. and so far, its like almost 2pm and my phone has been just as quiet this morning as it was last night when i called for help.

    Heck i even called the Cmht and got their receptionist!

    So i ended up causing myself harm, and im not done yet.
  9. EX1T

    EX1T Member

    CMHT suck majorly the amount of times they've let me down and then get all sanctimonious when I've sorted myself out.

    I'm in the uk too so know what you're talking about
  10. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Your phone may have been quiet but six members responded to your post. You've ignored them yet you complain of being ignored yourself.
  11. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    If I was one of those you tried texting, im sorry that number is currently not being used. As for the chat side of things, I can appreciate how it feels to get no response, but if you have the away symbol up, its widely acknowledged to mean 'not on that screen' - even if in TS.

    From what's in here, it sounds like because you didn't get what you wanted on an immediacy, you were not patient enough. You've been on here long enough to understand that not everyone is available all the time, and whether its reality or online, the majority of us have our own lives that need our focus more.

    Im not saying your situation isn't important though.
  12. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    ((Pinky)) we all got you in mind today..very much so.. Hope you are staying safe now.. Would very much not like to lose you!!! Am doing breakfast for me and Johnny after I finish this Marlboro!!! Rest of day I will be as near as a message from you..

    Take care please..Jim
  13. EX1T

    EX1T Member

    Wow that's harsh... (s)he's in a crisis, clearly saying (s)he sh'ed "and wasn't done yet" I just hope pinky will make it back to the thread to see ppl tried to reach out. It even harder b/c were on diff time zones most of the time, tho I'm in the uk too.
  14. shedhaddock

    shedhaddock Banned Member

    Im impatient - fair enough, you can have your opinion.

    I ignore other members - fair enough, you can have your opinion too.

    Ex1t - thanks for noticing how others respond.

    Perhaps try reading and/or understanding before replying, because im quite sure i said i text 5 "friends" in reaching out for help, and that they never replied. If someone told you they werew going to jump off a bridge - would you wait a week and then decide to text them back with lame excuses? They were quick enough to be angry and hurt woth me for not calling for help quicker in february when i ended up attempting, so this time i reached and got nothing.

    Im also pretty sure i came to sf after i text them. Perhaps try to understand that there is a difference between friends on a computer screen and friends in real life. The people reading this cant come and walk beside me in fresh air, they cant be here in person, talk in person or see the true responses.

    You know what - im not even going to defend myself - you quite clearly judge before anything else
  15. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Internet people are far too fickle, especially here where everyone struggles with their own mental and emotional issues as well and may not be as dependable as we may need them to be. Some people's emotional demands are just beyond what can be provided here sometimes, and it's beneficial to understand that first.

    Go see a therapist or join one of those depressive support/counseling groups that meet x times per week or month. Maybe you'll meet some real friends to talk to, and at least a professional who you could call upon, someone to listen to you and be there. I don't know whether you already are or how that's working for you so far, but I hope you find some friends, or a friend, who can be physically present in your life if it could make a positive difference.
  16. shedhaddock

    shedhaddock Banned Member

    Bah! I was hoping i might get some sleep tonight, but its past midnight again and my brain isnt switching for sleep mode. I spoke a little bit more about me in chat today and now its playing on my mind - i open doors that im not equipped to cope with well.

    I keep detatching myself from the world, and i see it continuing without me. Im hiding away. I feel really small. When i was a little girl, i remember hiding in a cupboard in the kitchen, because i was scared. When i was 15, i remember hiding in the bottom of my wardrobe because an "uncle" was coming up the stairs and i knew he was heading for where i was, so again i hid away because i was scared.

    So now i wonder what am i hiding from apart from myself? This is my small space, and it is safe.
    If i trust what i know, then i know im heading downwards. I also know, that despite my best efforts, i wont get up on my own.
  17. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    That was quite insightful Pinkster...when we hide from ourselves, there is no light anywhere else...I have made a very successful life in the past on lies and deceit and then had to take a good look at who I really was (over a few years or I would not be here)...for me, it was hiding from my shame and making many disguises to not see it....after a near heart attack when seeing that, I can now say, that I do get the lesson that we are all so very imperfect...much caring and please text me 2 next time, and if I am not asleep (which has happened a lot lately as you know), of course I would get back to you.
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