Dear God.....

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Androgyny, Jul 24, 2012.

  1. Androgyny

    Androgyny Well-Known Member

    Weird place. Don't know what to think or feel. I think denial has been building or is it just anxiety. I should be happy.... Yet this hollowness won't let me rest. It's like It'm waiting for an answers that will never come. For some kind of impossible emancipation from myself. It just gets shit when you feel like yr living yr life just to balance the universe or something... But what of me...? I feel like some kind of spoiled brat asking that question, but I spend so much time caring for those around, I neglect me...

    But do I really? Is it not the truth that my self-neglect is simply a return to SH, just a more passive form? No-one can see these scars unless they look into my eyes... Which is why sunglasses and alcohol are so convenient...

    This feeling is of a desperate scrambling that never lets up... Perhaps THIS is what it is to be alive? Is calm only really the product of ignorance & naivety? I don't know... I don't know....

    I just know I'm tired of running in circles... Of doing all I can to keep despair at bay. But you know what? It NEVER really works. This voice inside me is powerful... So much stronger than my gentle speaking voice... Then there's that other voice who merely cries inside...

    When it comes down to it, I just want to feel whole.

    Thank you for reading this little rant.

    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 24, 2012
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    The more we question, the more we have turmoil, until we finally trust that we know so little and have no answers
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope you rant some more hun get the thoughts the emotions the words out of you and on the screen it helps hun hugs