Dear Husband

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We have been together for four years, and you have made me happy. You were there for my cancer scare, and I was there when you had your stroke. You were there for me through my panic attacks and depression, and I have continually been there for you through your alcoholism. Things have been amazing... but I can't take the lying and the drinking any more. I could deal with it and help you with your problems when it was just you and I...

But when I come home from work and you are passed out drunk on the couch while our two year old is sitting on the floor with her diaper completely soaked through with piss and shit, I can't deal. When you are so drunk it takes me more than ten minutes of yelling and shaking to wake you up, I can't deal. When you are so drunk that you can't even talk straight, I can't deal.

What would happen if she managed to wander out of the house? She can open doors now, you know. What would happen if there was a fire? She wouldnt know what to do. What happened if she just managed to get into the medication, or into the knives?

You go through this cycle all the time... Dont drink, drink a little, binge drink. Im terrified to go to work and to leave her home with you because I dont know what Im going to come home to. I love you, but I love her more. I could never forgive you if something happened to her because you had been drinking... but you could never forgive yourself, either.

Four years of excuses and lies. Four years of broken trust, broken promises. I'm so tired of it. Im tired of not being strong enough. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of the excuses. I'm tired of the lies. I don't know what to do anymore. All the anxiety and depression just roles right on over me, and all you can think to say is "im sorry" and do it again... You brushed me off when I asked you to go to AA meetings. You told me you didnt need counseling. You told me you werent a drunk.

Lying about drinking... Hiding booze in the house so you can get drunk behind my back... lying about how MUCH you drink... Putting our DAUGHTER in danger just because you feel like you need to drink? I could forgive once or twice... But this is becoming a pattern, and you still wont get help.

Im so damn lost and i cant even talk to you about it. Suddenly, Im the bad person because I dont trust you. Suddenly, Im the bad person because I think youd purposefully put her in danger. I care about you, dammit... and Whats more, I care about HER.


Staff Alumni
Hi Tavari,

I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time in your marriage. It seems to me you are making the right choice in between your dependent child who has no one else but you to protect her and your adult husband. Have you thought of joining a support group like Al-Anon? This might give you some extra support.
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