Dear men,

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by skyisburning, Jun 16, 2010.

  1. skyisburning

    skyisburning Well-Known Member

    What am I doing wrong? I've been trying to figure out my entire fucking life what it is, and at this point, I give up! I feel like because I have a brain, common sense, and some morale that I'm going to die alone, because I refuse to settle for a communicationally-challenged, worthless sack of shit (which is, essentially, every single guy I have ever "liked").

    Am I not pretty enough for you? Not "hot" enough? Not funny enough? Too fat? Too SOMETHING? Not enough SOMETHING?! I just don't know what to think anymore! I have tried and tried and TRIED to remain patient, but forgive me if surpassing my 20th birthday, with my virginity/first-kiss/first-relationship still intact, has caused me to feel a considerable hint of doubt.

    I guess I just want some answers, and to not have to listen to all of my fucking friends gush about their relationships, while I sit silently and nod my head. And maybe, just maybe, to know that someone out there, other than my family, thinks I'm wonderful enough to wake up for in the morning. But at this rate, I just don't think it's going to happen. And please, don't give me the whole, "You're only 20, " jab response, because I don't buy that shit anymore. 20 is the new 30, and I'm tired of waiting.

    So yeah, whatever. If you're a guy and you read this, remember to take girl's feelings into consideration (and girls, do the same for guys). We all need some love, the problem is just finding it.

  2. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you feel that way, but I can relate, even if I am a guy.

    I know what it's like to be single and hate to hear others talk about how much they're love without considering the feelings of those around them.
    I'm happy for my friends who aren't single, but it feels like they're rubbing it in my face.

    With that said and since this is just a forum I have no trouble admitting I'm a virgin.
    I know it is consider strange for a 21 year old guy to be a virgin and that guy is usually consider a nerd or something but I don't care.
    Maybe I'm old fashioned.

    I understand how you feel Natalie and I'm sorry you seem to have been handed the short end of the stick, but you're not alone.
    If you want to talk, you can talk me. PM me if you want to keep it private or we can talk right here.
  3. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Then don't wait and put more effort into making it happen?
  4. skyisburning

    skyisburning Well-Known Member

    Um...I do put as much effort into as I'm capable of (not exactly the most confident person here). But every time I meet someone, it seems like they always turn into a piece of shit or something terrible happens. It feels like it's just never meant to be.
  5. notwhoiam

    notwhoiam New Member

    Dear sky is burning,

    I'm divorced with children and all the guys want to do is use me. Its heart wrenching so I understand you. At times they pretend to really love me and care which makes it that much worse.

    But the truth is that you REALLY ARE very young and odds are that you will find a good guy. Good luck!
  6. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    :blink: Never met a girl who surpassed 20 the same way I did. I feel you hun I really do. Hell I managed to get past 20 without having even so much as a date. I always wondered what I was doing wrong with girls.. I still wonder because I have yet to be able to meet a girl in real life.

    I won't jab you with "You are still young" I am 24, I have only had one girl. She left me because I was stupid. I feel like I am not going to get to hug another girl till I am 34. Because I am the guy I have to play a different role.

    You say every guy you have ever met is a sack of shit. How can you tell? Have you dated them? Have you given them a chance? Or are they all guys who you met while going out? Did you sense they only wanted one thing from you? Were you scared that they might only want one thing from you?

    I think most women are liars personally. So many women I meet online are not single. So many of them tell me how much they love the shy nerdy guy. Yet they are banging the narrsasctic jock. They all tell me how wonderful of a guy I am. Why do they say that? To ease their conscience. Because they were taken in by a player. Because I am this wonderful guy who has no one. They feel bad about being with a guy who is not as wonderful as me, yet they cannot be with me. Why because they are all liars. They lie to me and themselves to appease their guilt for not noticing me.

    I blame them... I guess that is why I don't have a female. Maybe I should take some of the blame on myself? Maybe you should do the same?
  7. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    Whoa! Take a step back, her past relationships didn't end well, but you're just blaming every woman because you're not playing the field like you should.
    Try reading Rules of the Game by Neil Strauss, follow those exercises and see what happens.

    As for Natalie.
    I've known girls like you, you think sometimes that you're a living "bad guy" magnet.
    Maybe subconsciously you pick guys with a particular personality that you're attracted to but unfortunately that same personality is what makes them an a-hole.

    I can't be sure, but please don't damn all men just because you've gotten some rotten apples out of the bin.
  8. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    No offence intended but at times like these, I'm glad I'm gay :laugh:. Considering if I would come out, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't get pestered about getting a boyfriend(It gets really annoying though when people try to get you to 'go out' with some person from school saying they'll go and talk to them for you and stuff. It's like "what? no fuck off. If i wanted to, I would.")

    There are some really nice guys out there that want someone. And aren't a complete arse hole :). You seem like a nice person so I'm sure there's someone for you :p
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 16, 2010
  9. empty101

    empty101 Well-Known Member

    Well I'll try to give you as many of my thoughts as I can to help you... I'm a guy BTW.

    Here's sort of my list of things that are important to attraction:
    1) The way you move... are you jerky or elegant?
    2) Facial Expressions... do you have a nice smile? Do you give off friendly signals? Boring faces that don't move are not something anyone wants. If you're happy you'll probably be really expressive but miserable people tend to show it and it's not pretty.
    3) The way you dress. Very important. Dress to look good without giving any unwanted signals (slutty, boring, plain, isolated). I recommend going to a mall and buying the 1 thing in the entire mall that looks best on you (and is reasonably priced).
    4) Personality. One of the hardest things to change but to put it simple-- have the qualities you want in someone else. Know what you can tolerate and what people are going to have to tolerate in you. For example, I'm extremely stubborn :p
    5) Have interests or at least a sense of humor. Have things to talk about that don't involve the news. Be able to share your experiences, expertise and knowledge of whatever you know.
    6) Makeup/hair/looks... well I just assume everyone knows to work on this one. Then again I see people all the time that seem to be clueless that this is important. About the only thing on this planet you can't change for cheap is your bone structure. Everything else is entirely in your control.

    Bring out the best of people. Do the things that you and others find fun and do it in a fun way. If you don't give people an opportunity to be themselves or show their good sides you'll never get close.

    MOST IMPORTANTLY you should get out there and be out there in the open. Meet lots of new people and stay in contact with everyone you know (don't be too aggressive). Get yourself in situations where guys can approach you and make it easy for them to approach you. Also don't be afraid to be the hunter... there are plenty of guys to grab this way.
  10. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    Well put, except for the last 6 words. "...I'm sure there's someone for you".
    I've never believed in that whole "someone for everyone" crap, it is impossible.

    Fact of the matter is, if you want something, go out and get it, but don't be surprised if disappointment and failure tag along, the only way to succeed in getting what you want is to fail first.
    It's like that saying about the know, fall off, get back on, etc.
  11. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    I know how it is to be anxious about that. I really just don't know what to tell you. For me, having somebody is something really personal and being single now kills me.. I wish you luck. Try to get out there and remember that guys want to be around somebody who is fun loving, so always try to portray that image!
  12. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Mrmrmrmmm, I spose so :p. I'm just trying to keep hope :laugh:. There's a couple of paths in life I know I could go down. Just depends which way I wanna go. Alone or with someone? Just depends on how relationship orientated you are. I'm not the happiest/personal person out there, I'd have to be half drunk to have any sort of self confidence lol :eek:hmy:.
  13. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    hey, if I could- I would totally trade you.
    Take my 8 year relationship AND the heartbreak that it ended with - and I'll magically take my innocence and virginity back.
    hurray. -__-

    I'm 22 and wish that I'd never fallen in love and done all the shit that goes with it. There is alot of hurt that goes hand in hand with liking someone and a solid amount of physical and emotional pain that goes with truly loving someone.
    You can't be trying so hard or expecting it to happen though. 'love' happens when you aren't desperately trying to be loved. Just let things happen as they will and things will fall into place the way they are supposed to.

    Yeah, that sucks too. Who doesn't hate waiting?
    I hate waiting for the pain of being dumped to go away-- and from what I've heard; it never fully will.
    So, you might think that it is the worst thing ever to be alone and to feel unwanted; but after it's over you will feel exactly the same anyways-- perhaps even worse.
    The best solution is to not count on anyone to make you feel better about yourself. Love yourself first and foremost-- if you can.

    That is a hard thing to do, too.
  14. Shezamura

    Shezamura Well-Known Member

    I agree completely. I dated a girl for almost 4 years. She left me for a man who was 43. It brings me to question " how ugly must I be for her to leave me for a fucking old man?" I mean, I used to hear all the time about how I looked good and all that bull crap. Apparantly it wasn't true. This happened back in 2008. Well, She came back to me in 2009 and apologized. I accepted "like a fucktard" and we dated again until she left for the navy this year in february. We both told each other that we could do this! I even proposed to her and she said yes. To make this story short... We are not dating anymore or even engaged. She started being stupid. I tried to help. she didn't want help. I said fine. broke it off and cut contact off with her.

    I don't like the idea of going to bars and what not to try and find "women". Yeah, you have to go out to find people, but I just wish there were better places to do so.

    When I look for a woman, there are things that attract me. Here are a few
    (mind you, i am going to be honest)
    1) Body
    If you don't look physically attractive to me, then how could we ever make love? A healthy relationship requires some kind of physical attraction. I don't want a girl who is highly over weight and smells bad. No. Do I have to have the traditional stick girl with blond hair and all that bull crap? hell no. I prefer a woman between the two.

    2) Hair
    Me, I prefer long hair. Actually, I LOVE LONG HAIR!! but I can handle short hair to a point. If your hair is my length or shorter, I wont consider coming to you.

    3) Smile
    Just a personal thing, gotta have a great smile :)

    If you fail any of these three, then that means I don't find you physically attractive enough to talk to you. Now, let me tell you. My gf wasn't a DROP DEAD MAN KILLER AT SIGHT. no, she had crooked teeth and was petite. But she had pretty hair. was a little thick, and had a great smile. I loved it. Then I moved in to find out her personality which I also loved. She was open minded. Hooked me in seconds. That personality eventually changed for the worse. lol but hey, people change from the age of 14 to 20.

    I just hope that a girl would be interested in the same things like me. I love romance, anime, playing games on occasion. Yugioh. Being physical (which does include sexual activity). Going out. Eating out on dates (mind you, when I take a girl out, her door gets opened, closed and everything is paid for by me) and almost anything else. I'm down. about the sex thing though, I would like to know why girls are never down for sex. My girl was always down for a little romance.... every day. I guess most men just suck at it and I dont? dunno.

    You need to find what your interested in. Let people know discretely and he may appear before your eyes. Will it happen in the confines of your home? absolutely not. Go out. lol and have fun.

    Ps. Sorry for the long response. alot more came out than i expected :p