Dear mirror.

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#1
Was gonna say its been a bad year when infact its been a good and terrible year. I'm sitting here with the most amazing baby who makes me smile a million times a day, possibly one o the best things to ever happen to me, yet I feel like this and day by day it just gets worse. I started off the year pregnant and so down I cryed all the time then my grandad died he was so I'll I wanted him to go but I selfishly wanted him to stay to meet his great grand daughter he was ill for so long it floored the whole family. Then two weeks later I got a new house and ohh was the stress just mounted and then 3 weeks later baby came into this world she is my world! To say it was a bad birth is an understatement 3 days of trying to start then the dreded csection but no would the spinal take oh hell no not my luck so I was put to sleep! I woke up met my baby girl and for the first time in a long to time had hope! Until 2 weeks later I had to be admitted into hospital as I was left with a huge infection and had to have major surgery! So after 4 long months o missing out being a first time mother I finally got back on my feet the hope started to fade not because of my beautiful baby but because if me so she is 8 months old tommoz and I find myself crying on the couch asking WHO AM I?? Because I don't know anymore I look in the mirror and wonder who is looking back at me. Why do I feel like this . I have suffered a long time with depression and I can feel it getting worse but no one understands what am I meant to say/feel I'm trying to write this and still don't know what to write I don't want o be here I don't want to be this person, this mother, this partner.

Sorry bout the book if anyone reads this just needed some stuff out
 

DrownedFishOnFire

Back into the wild where I belong. Out of your way
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#2
Have you considered therapy?

Understandable how you feel atfer all you've been through, it's a lot.
 

Unknown_111

Forum Buddy
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#3
Welcome to the forum. Sorry to see you suffering as its important that you remain calm. Please do not think you are alone on your own. You have joined a wonderful forum who will support you. Keep posting for support.
 
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