Dear mirror.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by sweet-as-poison, Dec 2, 2014.

  1. sweet-as-poison

    sweet-as-poison New Member

    Was gonna say its been a bad year when infact its been a good and terrible year. I'm sitting here with the most amazing baby who makes me smile a million times a day, possibly one o the best things to ever happen to me, yet I feel like this and day by day it just gets worse. I started off the year pregnant and so down I cryed all the time then my grandad died he was so I'll I wanted him to go but I selfishly wanted him to stay to meet his great grand daughter he was ill for so long it floored the whole family. Then two weeks later I got a new house and ohh was the stress just mounted and then 3 weeks later baby came into this world she is my world! To say it was a bad birth is an understatement 3 days of trying to start then the dreded csection but no would the spinal take oh hell no not my luck so I was put to sleep! I woke up met my baby girl and for the first time in a long to time had hope! Until 2 weeks later I had to be admitted into hospital as I was left with a huge infection and had to have major surgery! So after 4 long months o missing out being a first time mother I finally got back on my feet the hope started to fade not because of my beautiful baby but because if me so she is 8 months old tommoz and I find myself crying on the couch asking WHO AM I?? Because I don't know anymore I look in the mirror and wonder who is looking back at me. Why do I feel like this . I have suffered a long time with depression and I can feel it getting worse but no one understands what am I meant to say/feel I'm trying to write this and still don't know what to write I don't want o be here I don't want to be this person, this mother, this partner.

    Sorry bout the book if anyone reads this just needed some stuff out
     
  2. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Have you considered therapy?

    Understandable how you feel atfer all you've been through, it's a lot.
     
  3. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. Sorry to see you suffering as its important that you remain calm. Please do not think you are alone on your own. You have joined a wonderful forum who will support you. Keep posting for support.