Dear mom

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by among the stars, Mar 12, 2009.

  1. among the stars

    among the stars Well-Known Member

    ive been thinking a lot about u lately...i dunno if uve been listening when i talked but i really need to be with u. perhaps no one else would understand that except us....we were so close. every time i go to school i feel like if i turn around quick enough i will see u standing in the doorway smiling and laughing, just like it always was.
    U probably kno that i havent been doing well lately...i feel like i am letting u down. every time i burn, every tear i shed feels like i am hurting u and i dont wanna make u hurt anymore. u suffered for so many years and u beat the beast once and when it came back and hurt u over and over again, u never complained. i never understood how u could be so strong. I have so many questions that i want answers to and i want u to answer them..but i kno that will never happen. but i guess my main question is y didnt u tell me u were dying? y lie to me and tell me that everything was gonna be ok? u promised me long ago that ud be here, y did u promise that when u knew what would eventually happen? I understand u were trying to protect me but i needed more time to say goodbye to u.
    i still remember what u told me that day after i had had my first panic attack. to always sing a song of strength and it would be given to me...u kno i still cant sing ur song...our song. but i still remember the words. I still remember and sing my song of strength when i really need u...ur probably angry at me for not trusting god to help me out but i just cant. Every time i get on Deck i close my eyes and sing: you raise me up so i can stand on mountains, you raise me up to walk on stormy seas, i am strong when i am on ur shoulders, you raise me up to more than i can be.....there is no life, no life without its hunger, each restless heart beats so imperfectly, but when you come and I am filled with wonder, sometimes I think I glimpse eternity" and when i sing i lift my eyes to the sky and i feel u with me. I feel ur protective arms around me and feel u guiding me. more than anything tho guidance and love are what i want.
    i love u mom more than u will ever kno, maybe i didnt say it enough. I really miss u and wanna be with u.
    love u and miss u
    -your daughter
     
  2. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    :hug:

    I'm sorry. Remember your Mum is always with you.

    Love ya hun x
     
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm sorry that you are hurting so much. But I believe that those that we love are watching over us once they move on. And a mom's love is never ending. She is there in your good times and bad trying to help and guide you the best she can. As for the answers you need, remember all the things your mom taught you in the time you had together. Those memories of things she tried to teach you in life will become your answers to many things hun. And please dont beat yourself up regarding how you feel about God right now. You are hurting and He understands. Take your time and grieve and heal right now. And take comfort in knowing that you have a special angel with you at all times.
     
  4. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    :hug: meg
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    :hug: meg, keep talking if its helping :) Get it all out of your system xx