I wish I could be happy could find something to make me happy if not for me then for you. I wish I knew how to explain how every word I say and every day I wake up and put on my morning make up and smile is exhausting. I wish I could tell you how draining it is and how much it takes just to have a conversation like a normal person. I wish I could tell you how terrified I am of my life and all the things that come with it of myself. But I’m afraid of frightening you of what’ll happen when you know for sure that I’m not you’re little girl anymore. Just like with everybody else I’m worried that when I finally show how scarred I am you won’t want me anymore or you won’t treat me the same. Or I just won’t be able to look you in the eye anymore. I want you to know if all else fails how much I love you. I want you to know how sorry I am for being such a putz sometimes for forgetting and failing to forgive and all those moments when I let my exhaustion and frustration get the better of me for all those times I snapped at you for being irritating or simply wanting to know too much when I had so little left to give. I’m sorry if I end up failing you one last time in the worst possible way. But no matter what you know I love you you must know how much I love you and how much you’ve meant to me all my life. You’ve always done everything you knew how to do and I’ve always known that I was loved. And after all is said and done that is all that matters.