Death By Hanging

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Strifes_Shadow, Apr 10, 2007.

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  1. Strifes_Shadow

    Strifes_Shadow New Member

    I am not one to talk about my problems.....but i am hoping that maybe if i get this off my chest i may feel better....So here goes:

    About two hours ago i tried to hang myself.....<mod edit:Malcontent - method>. In the background i played one of my favorite songs..."Don't Fear the Reaper".....and i remember i started to fade out....and it felt like i was getting up and moving but all of a sudden i felt a big whack in my face and my eyes shot open and the entire room was spinning and i was trying to get up but it felt like i was submerged in water and i was trying to scramble to my feet, i was not sure if i was alive or dead untill i ran to the bathroom and saw the blood pouring out of my mouth in waves. <mod edit:Malcontent> and that my head hit the edge of my bed slamming against my teeth but not knocking them out...(not that it really matters because no girls pay attention to me anyways).......so long story short i tried to kill myself...but afterwards i felt nothing...i figured it was shock and i would prolly flip out because i just escaped death....but...i feel nothing i feel sad and depressed...but thats normal.....I just wish i cared about something....anything! =( .......I just wish i knew what the hell is wrong with me..............................Thanks for listening guys......
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 10, 2007
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Aw honey, it's good that the ring broke.

    You need to get yourself physically checked out.

    Also, it might be a good idea to go to the doctors about how you are feeling mentally, and explain what you did and why. Even if you have been before, please think about going back.

    Do you want to tell us what it is that makes you feel like this? Has anything happened?

    Hang in there and keep talking to us.
     
  3. go and get checked out by your doctor and try to explain what happend hun, you need to get help.. i no you dont feel the same, but im glad you failed..
     
  4. Strifes_Shadow

    Strifes_Shadow New Member

    A big issue that i deal with is not the stressers although they can hurt alot but there is a huge history of depression on both sides of my family for many awhile....so alot of the time i feel terrible for no other reason then it is genetic for me to feel that way......but i have been hospitalized for depression/suicidal thoughts but the hospital made me flip out, i cannot handle being in there....I just hate the fact that i am unmotivated...and unambitious....I mean, rationaly i know i am average-fairly good looking, and that i am a pretty nice guy, but...i guess thats what really bothers me....for some reason people do not like me.....i do not know what it is i do wrong or what it is about me that people do not like...but it is nearly impossible for me to make friends or to get people to trust me or to get a girlfriend....and it is not like i don't try....its like i am naturally unlikeable...=(.....i really hate feeling lonely and unloved.....i hate the fact i fail at everything i do and that no matter what i try i end up a looser and I just cannot win. I am such a sad messed up failure as a human being...and it is hard to take......
     
  5. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Genetics can give us awful legacies :( Mine gave me horrendous bowel problems. All you can do, really, is to keep fighting the illness and genetics. Keep trying.

    This I can relate to. I flipped out in hospital too. But hospital is not for everyone. However, there will be methods and therapies out there that can help you. Have you thought about therapeutic communities? Or something of that sort? What therapies have you tried? CBT? DBT? CAT? There will be more that you can try without hospitalisation that can offer you potential help.

    Could that be the depression doing that? If you could do anything in your life, what would it be? Could you set yourself little baby steps to get there? That way you don't have to motivate yourself to do much, but you are doing something with each little step.

    Do you know what, reading that is a breath of fresh air on here. Knowing some of you positive qualities and having some semblance of belief in yourself is terrific.

    Have you asked them? Maybe if you could ask people what it is, then that might help you. It wouldn't be an easy thing to do, but it could help you understand more about what you could do to help yourself socially.

    Feeling lonely and unloved is an awful feeling. Maybe you could try joining some clubs, or maybe support groups. That would help you meet people similar to yourself, or at the very least, with similar interests.

    No one has failed at everything, you will have succeeded in some things. Maybe instead of trying to focus on what you have not achieved, try to think about what you HAVE achieved, like continuing to fight on with a debilitating illness. That's a terrific achievement.

    You might feel bad about this now, but again, that is probably down to the depression. But there is no reason why you will always feel this bad. Sure, it's in your genetics, but there are many therapies that can help.

    Keep fighting and hang in there
     
  6. Strifes_Shadow

    Strifes_Shadow New Member

    Thank you for your kind words and advice....truly fighting it is the only thing i can do....actually i am happy i failed....its just i wish i cared more about the act and realized what a bad choice it was.....but in the long run i would rather go down fighting than giving up......it's just such a hard fight when you feel that everything and everyone is against you and you feel like you're at odds with the world.......i know life and time will help me heal and mend and become stronger because of what i have experienced...but it is hard to think of the future when the present hurts so much =(. I will try your advice about asking people why they don't like me.....as for motivation i too believe that is part of the depression but it is so hard to overcome....

    Once again thank you, it really helped having a place like this to just unleash what happened with out people freaking out about it....Thank you for your care and understanding =).......
     
  7. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I am SO glad that you are glad you failed. It is fantastic that you can be honest and insightful about who you feel.

    I fully believe that you will get through this because of the way that you talk.

    Hang in there and keep fighting.

    Remember that SF is here whenever you need us, hopefully if you need us again it will help then too.

    Take care of yourself
     
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