I've never asked for help before even when I needed it, but at the current moment I need help badly. I've been fighting my depression for years and have kept it under raps for years until one day someone finally payed attention and saw that I had been harming myself. I would cut myself to cope with the large amounts of pain I'd feel on a day to day bases and I always hated myself since i was a kid. I always thought I was worthless and my one life wouldn't change this horrible world I called hell. I have a large amount of accomplishments and I am extremely smart, however none of this makes me feel at peace with myself.My sleeping pattern is horrible and when I do sleep i do not dream. I am suicidal at this point and the pain got so bad to the point where music no longer eases the pain as well as my girlfriend, cutting, pills, therapy, and any other methods you could think of. The reason I am writing this is because I'm curious as to what people will think, how would they react, and what would you say to me. I've already given myself a death date and this is my final and only cry for help..... I am 18 and I will not make to 19. I've already given up and my suicidal note is final If you think you can help please feel free I am very open minded and suicide is the one thing that I see as a way out to sleep forever and to never be hurt again.