Like many others I have no clue why I am writing here, since I doubt that any form of improvement can result. But I guess I just need to vent somewhere. I`m planning to kill myself tomorrow. It is very likely that I wont do it since I am writing here, and if I was seriously going to do it tomorrow, I wouldn`t tell anyone (I did the same with my first attempt). i don`t have the strength to type. My thoughts seem too worthless to put down, and it wouldn`t make a difference anyway. Im just tired of fighting. i`ve been doing that for 5 years. I think Ive had enough. There is a point where it is human to give up. Prolonging this would be like raping life. Like overusing something in order to cling on to ones instincts. I guess that the moment for cessation hasn`t arisen yet, but I sure do crave it. To rest. Not to be a part of this circle any longer. That is the only thing that produces some amount of pleasure in my dead mind. The only thing that worries me a bit is the emotions that my parents will be going through. But they will, nevertheless, never be happy, because I am always miserable, and they can`t stand to see me like this. And they too are depressed (my grandmother, who lives with me is sooo depressed and unhappy with her life; and she is paranoid around me; sometimes I think that she does not want me to get better, because then, she will be alone in her misery). So maybe they will understand from that point of view. Anyway, I just wanted to vent. I don`t expect anything. People always disappoint.