Death is in the medicine cabinet

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by darklogic, Sep 18, 2008.

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  1. darklogic

    darklogic Active Member

    I have access to a very powerful drug right now. I won't say what it is but here's some hints: It's 82 times stronger than morphine and just one dose provides pain relief for a full 72 hours. BUT it's only for people who are used to taking opiates. For people without a tolerance, it can easily be fatal.

    It is getting harder for me to function knowing that its there. Knowing that if I lose control that it would take mere minutes for me to slip into a relatively painless death.

    Don't ask why I want to die. I don't want to talk about it. I just want to be able to stop thinking about it altogether for just one god damn day.
  2. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    The last moments of your life would be spent kneeling over a toilet trying with all your strength to vomit it up, or dialing 911 desperately to get activated charcoal. Not a pleasant way to go.

    The best way to stop thinking about it is to get rid of it. If it needs to be available in your house, have someone lock it in a toolbox with a combination lock. If it doesn't need to be available in your house, it should be destroyed.
  3. darklogic

    darklogic Active Member

    Actually, the drug is not taken orally so I don't know if I would vomit or not. Perhaps. Typically the way it works is that it stops your breathing.

    I'd feel weird asking my roommate to lock it up because then they would know that I was thinking of using it.
  4. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    How would you rather he finds out you were thinking of using it? You telling him, or the paramedic who declares you dead?

    I don't believe there is any other way to get your mind good and properly off of it. If you're uncomfortable telling him that you're suicidal, this complicates things. I personally have gone rather extreme distances to prevent people around me from knowing I'm suicidal [I moved out], and all-told, you'd probably be better just telling him.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 18, 2008
  5. 643921

    643921 Active Member

    But asking them to lock it up and keeping it where you wouldn't know where it was could be a good way if you don't want to just throw it away. It could help having somone know who is close by you and that you see so they could do what they could to see you through it? Anyway liek aoeu said its better than them finding out when you're on the floor not breathing witha syringe next to you.
  6. purplefizz

    purplefizz Senior Member

    That drug will be no easier than any other suicide method. It will not be the painless escape you hoped for. Granted, I don't know what the drug is, but there is no painless way to die. I really think you should ask him to lock it up. You don't have to tell him it's because you're tempted to kill yourself. Just say that you would feel more comfortable if it were locked away and leave it at that.
  7. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    I know what this drug is, it's name and purpose, and for those thinking it's injected it isn't. I understand what the temptation must feel like but due to the nature of this drug, for you once you've taken it there would be no turning back. Please reconsider and try and get someone to lock it up, that'll take a massive burdon off you in an instant.

    Stay safe.

  8. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Fuck the guessing we're not children here. <mod edit Robin - Regardless of the philisophical argument it's still against the rules, thx> likely.

    Sure there is, done all the time; some are state sanctioned even. We need to quit deluding ourselves about the dynamics and ways of suicide, everyone. It deters no one, it happens. It is a reality of the darkest corners of human nature and it is here to stay. We need to DEAL WITH THAT REALITY, on realistic terms.

    I honestly think we're are missing the root point.

    She not going to do that, as SHE'S TORN between it.

    Really never understood the "have someone lock it away" ideaology.

    Christ's sakes she is not a child. These thoughts; these urges; the deeply-entrenched neuroses--are innner demons which must taken head-on, else, guarantee you she will find another way.

    The girl needs to seek out and accept HELP -- this is a decision only she can arrive at. A "lockbox"? C'mon, it's at best a flimsy band-aid temporary solution.

    My opinion,
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2008
  9. David

    David Active Member

    can i have some of that substance?
  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You need to dispose of it properly so no one else stumbles upon it. darklogic, you know you don't need it so why keep it around.We are here for you, and I am sure you need to get into therapy to learn how to cope with your thoughts. I am hanging onto a thin thread myself, but I get up everyday and try to put it behind me.
    My therapist has got me doing things I don't like but I still do them. It has gotten me out of the house a little after 15 years isolating in my bedroom. two years ago you couldn't pry me out of my bedroom. That is why I know therapy helps!!
    Please take that temptation and destroy it. We will be here to help pick you up if you fall.Good Luck!!:chopper:!!
  11. worlds edge

    worlds edge Well-Known Member

    I understand the sentiment, but not why you started the thread. Anything in particular you're looking for from the board? :mellow:
  12. abyss

    abyss Well-Known Member

    there are 'easy methods' surrounding us everyday. some as simple as everyday objects found in any household, others just a quick trip to the store away. the problem is not the object, the method, the escape route. the problem is our desire for it. --seek help--
    honestly, it may take your mind off it for a little while if you knew it was locked away. it may escape your thoughts for a bit if you didnt know where it was anymore. but the drug is not what drives you. you will find yourself drawn to seek it out, break the lock, find another method.

    the only way to escape the impulse is to get help. talk to someone. a therapist, a counselor, a psychiatrist, a friend, the forum, whatever works for you.

    we care and are here for you.
  13. darklogic

    darklogic Active Member

    No way am I saying anything to my roommate about locking up her drugs. I need her to trust me and not think I'm a freak if I'm going to be living here (or NOT depending on how things go). Either way, I'mnot saying anything so forget that idea.

    It hasn't bothered me too much today. I had a pretty good day. I think I might be bi-polar. Sometimes I hate myself and I really want to kill myself and other times I think I'm awesome and nothing in the world can upset me.

    There's really no telling what kind of mood I'll be in. I've been trying to track it with my journal and there doesn't seem to be a clear pattern or a definate set of "triggers" as you folks are fond of saying.

    Still, I'm worried that I might have another bad episode. Actually, I KNOW for sure that I will. I just don't know when or why or what I'll do after it happens. The depression parts are really bad.

    Oh and I'm not "looking for anything" from this board. Just saying is all. This isn't the kind of thing you can talk about.
  14. BioHomocide

    BioHomocide Well-Known Member

    Hmm care to share? I want a taste... Or you could just send it all to me so you don't have to worry about it anymore.

    But hey who am I to tell you what to do with it?
    Do as you please.
  15. worlds edge

    worlds edge Well-Known Member

    Errm, but you are in fact talking about it, you do realize that?
  16. darklogic

    darklogic Active Member

    No. I'm not talking about it. I'm writing about it on a forum full of people who know what its like to want to kill themselves. This isn't just your average conversation that you can have with your friends. IF I had friends. HA!

    Depression struck back today but not so bad I want to kill myself...yet. It gets worse when I can't fall asleep.

    One dose and I'm a goner. Wow. This is going to be a struggle.
  17. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Just be strong and don't take those deadly pills darklogic.
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