Do you feel people are living in a different world when it comes to your suicide? I'm very serious when I plan. The pain I'm going through is in waves, I'm taking medication PRN- but it comes in waves, and I'm not going through this again for long. I've been through it for 2 years and come back with a few jokes and laughter at having survived, but I'm getting more and more determined to get it over with soon. I recently went to see members of the CRT, and one of them got defensive, again, when I told them about my suicide. It's as if I go there to get a few congratulations for doing 'everything right' for a while, but when it comes to me being in serious crisis, they sit there in silence and talk about 'distractions,' and say I'm 'argumentative,' for talking about reality. Reality is that I'm going to die from what happened but nobody believes me because I'm still around after going through everything I've done in the last two years. That's why my life isn't real.