I want the words to come, to flow; like a river in a nature documentary. The words that stick out the most are, "What is the point?" No matter what anyone writes on their suicide note will mean anything, will make anyone understand why someone would deny their own instinct for self preservation and just end their own existence. I don't want to get out of bed; What's the point? Nobody seems to have a satisfying answer to that question. Family? Children? Love? Posterity? Creativity? I am both terrified and enthralled with the possibility of the next step. Afterlife? Is there one? I am afraid I will be disappointed in that department as well. I have to clear out my house. Can't leave loose ends. Disappear; untraceable. It won't be now but I can feel it coming, creeping up on me like a shadow in the night. What would I have liked to do before I go? Maybe write a novel but there's nothing I have to say. It's all been said before. This world was never meant for me. I never understood it. If only I could fade away.