Fired my Dr. of about 12 years about 3-4 weeks ago after several appointments where she had no clue what medications I was taking, and even called in prescriptions for meds she had told me to stop taking months earlier. The final straw was when she asked me if I had ever attempted suicide. Twelve freak'n years and she doesn't even know my history! I also decided that I've had enough with doctors, hospitals and every medication known to man. Have been tapering off anti-depressants, anti-psychotics and mood stabilizers since last/final appointment. Spent most of last night unable to sleep, sobbing into my pillow, unable to rid my head thoughts of/plans for suicide. Stayed home from work today fully intending to die. Alternating between trying to find an effective distraction and bawling my eyes out. No one to talk to about how I'm feeling without being judged or institutionalized. Can't even talk about it with my wife of 27+ years. She says I should just smile and be happy. And gave me a ration of crap for not keeping a dinner date with a friend tonight. Filled with unbearable mental pain and anguish and excruciating physical pain, and have no hope for the future. I yearn to finally achieve peace.