i had stopped posting on here and talking about my problems in chat as i feel the story is getting old and if im bored of the same old shit then everyone else must be also, i know for a fact that most people who know me feel that way and the others dont really care, who actually truly cares? the mental health professionals dont, they act like your friend and act like they know whats going on inside my head but they dont know shit, because because its their job and they have read many books about mental health doesnt mean they know or understand what is going on inside my truly fucked up psycho head! only i know, only i will ever truly know! and as for my so called family and friends they are no better, they think if im a good girl and take a pill i can snap myself out of it, WELL I CANT! you would think that my parents who have already lost one daughter to suicide might be a tad more understanding but they are not, im living in the shadow of her memory, they say that i will never live up to her and that she had too much potental to end her life, but the fact is that she just couldnt stand being around them anymore, i know its a harsh thing to say but its true, i cannot stand to be around them either! i have different reasons to my sister for wanting to end my life, i get mad at her sometimes for leaving me and i get mad that she killed herself for reasons which to her were huge but to me were small, im not going to compare our short lives as that wouldnt do any good, all that matters it that i cannot live on this earth grieving her, grieving charlotte, grieving grandad, grieving my stolen innocents, grieving my baby and grieving the loss of my sanity, my control and the family i thought i had, in the words of evanescence.. I long to be like you, sis, Lie cold in the ground like you. There's room inside for two and I'm not grieving for you, I'm coming for you.