DEATH, the only way to eternal happiness??

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by painfulmuse, Sep 21, 2013.

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  1. painfulmuse

    painfulmuse Member

    i had stopped posting on here and talking about my problems in chat as i feel the story is getting old and if im bored of the same old shit then everyone else must be also, i know for a fact that most people who know me feel that way and the others dont really care, who actually truly cares? the mental health professionals dont, they act like your friend and act like they know whats going on inside my head but they dont know shit, because because its their job and they have read many books about mental health doesnt mean they know or understand what is going on inside my truly fucked up psycho head! only i know, only i will ever truly know! and as for my so called family and friends they are no better, they think if im a good girl and take a pill i can snap myself out of it, WELL I CANT! you would think that my parents who have already lost one daughter to suicide might be a tad more understanding but they are not, im living in the shadow of her memory, they say that i will never live up to her and that she had too much potental to end her life, but the fact is that she just couldnt stand being around them anymore, i know its a harsh thing to say but its true, i cannot stand to be around them either! i have different reasons to my sister for wanting to end my life, i get mad at her sometimes for leaving me and i get mad that she killed herself for reasons which to her were huge but to me were small, im not going to compare our short lives as that wouldnt do any good, all that matters it that i cannot live on this earth grieving her, grieving charlotte, grieving grandad, grieving my stolen innocents, grieving my baby and grieving the loss of my sanity, my control and the family i thought i had, in the words of evanescence.. I long to be like you, sis, Lie cold in the ground like you. There's room inside for two and I'm not grieving for you,
    I'm coming for you.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry hun life has been so hard on you. Sorry you lost your sister I hear you pain and wish i could take some of it away You have potential too hun You could do so much too hun perhaps if you could get away from toxic family hun you willl find your own way hugs
     
  3. painfulmuse

    painfulmuse Member

    never mentioned my sister before, feels weird that i have now, ive kept that and other things locked in my head for so long, maybe thats a step forward if not its a massive step in the wrong direction! thanks for offering to take some of the pain away if you could, its a kind gesture but i would rather have the pain and guilt, it deserve it and its who i am
     
  4. the black raven

    the black raven Well-Known Member

    I don't know how to respond to this, I think I have failed stopping someone from doing it, I'm desperately texting her up until now, hoping she's still with me in this world. Not that I don't understand how she feel, I really do as I had attempted it, but failed.

    I guess it's only us who already felt the pain truly understand it. I hope you are not being so hasty to end your live, you know, you can be someone special for me if you agree, as a special friend who feel the same as me.
    You can live for someone else's sake if not for yourself, weird to hear this from a stranger, but I don't know what to do. I would feel liek a murderer if I'm unable to stop, but your choice is only at your hand yourself. I can't interfere can I?
     
  5. painfulmuse

    painfulmuse Member

    did you manage to get through to your friend?
    and i dont feel that these thoughts, ideas and plans are me being hasty, i have felt like this for a long time now and have made several attempts, it seems that everything is happening at once and its bringing alot up to the surface
     
  6. Blacky

    Blacky Well-Known Member

    Hey there,
    I'm a bit...I just don;t know what to say, but first of all I'm sorry for ur loss. Okay, that mabye sounds strange because u don't me, but it doesen't matter, because thats just me..being me.
    And hey, I care about you (thats sounds strange too....but thats me :) )and I hope it will get better.
    I just wish u feel better *hug*
     
  7. the black raven

    the black raven Well-Known Member

    Happy news, that my friend didn't do it, and decided to give herself more time. She didn't reply because she was so busy in life. which is good. I'm so happy for her, and I hope you don't give up too!
     
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