death wish/survivors

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by afterlifepig, May 2, 2015.

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  1. afterlifepig

    afterlifepig Well-Known Member

    i am very grateful (to God? to my parents? to myself?...) for the life i have had. so i'm not bitter or anything

    i tend to not be depressed, the closest i feel to that is when i am bored

    anyway i really want to kill myself ... but i wouldn't (at least for now) b/c i have unfinished business but more importantly b/c of the effect it would have on my parents

    so i am postponing my death wish indefinitely, basically. feel i have to stay around to keep my parents company, protect my mother if my father dies, that sort of thing

    i strongly relate to the study talked about in this science article:
    http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/02/140219095325.htm

    so really i feel i don't have much of a purpose on the material plane anymore ... i'm not having children, i guess i could have a satisfying career ... but i'm not like other ppl, i'm an ugly little goblin man (i like to think ugly cute, but still...), so i don't plan on having much of a love life ...

    so i'm not entirely sure why i'm reaching out. do any of u old ppl think there is more to life? i just don't c the purpose of living if it's just going to be grinding and me deteriorating from being my best self rather than learning anything new and improving
     
  2. GreySilence

    GreySilence Well-Known Member

    It sounds to me like you're in need of some kind of hobby. In my case, I really enjoy creating all sorts of things- and it gives me joy in life. Start trying a bunch of new things, you might find something you really enjoy doing, and it could give you a reason to get excited about life.

    In the last bit there, you said; "I just don't see the purpose of living if it's just going to be me grinding and deteriorating from being my best self rather than learning anything new and improving".
    Why is it that you're limiting yourself like that? sure, life can be a tedious grind, but you can certainly continue to grow and improve at things. Sure, the majority of people feel like their younger days were their best, but it doesn't mean that some people haven't had the best moments in their life a bit later down the road.

    Anyways, I hope you can find a healthy reason to live, rather than just living to postpone your death. At the very least, it's sweet of you to consider the feelings and well being of your parents. Best of luck.
     
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    If not planning children then not sure that post you referenced really has a great bearing on you. If read post and the referenced research it makes clear the reason is skewed to memories in that time period is because is the time when people of age to be retired at time of study were having children (people married and had children much younger 40 years ago) and TO THEM that the most memorable part of life was having children. Clearly it would not be the most memorable times for people that choose not to have children and since people that choose not to have children are not then basically tied down for 18 years or more of making somebody else the priority is ample opportunity for memorable things after that. If already had children and settled (tied down with no options but put children and family first priority) already would make sense to say you felt like were stagnant now, but since that is not your intent i see no bearing really. Just my opinion. Maybe you feel like that as well , but is not for the reasons they mention in the research in any way.
     
  4. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Memories are a strange thing for me those days so can't relate to the article but can see what you're saying. Interesting thought
     
  5. afterlifepig

    afterlifepig Well-Known Member

    i haven't been here long but my story seems to have a happy ending i am glad to say

    i did find a hobby in mathematics and logic ... figuring out how it all fits together ... lifelong learning sort of

    so i figure i'll hang on for another decade or so, keep my parents company maybe contribute something to society....
     
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