Death wish

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Secret wounds, Jul 20, 2007.

  1. Secret wounds

    Secret wounds Well-Known Member

    I hate the question that everyone asks you everyday, 'Are you ok?' I feel like saying to them no im not ok! Stop asking me if im ok! I wish my life did'nt exist! I wish i was'nt put into this world! I never say any of those things though, i just smile and nod and say everythings great! Oh how i love life!
    Pretty much everyday for the past few years i've woken up hating to start a new day, i sometimes wonder why i even bother, things are always the same im going through the motions of an existence but not living a life! i cant seem to comprehend how to be happy. I dont even think happiness exists, it sort of seems to appear then something much worse happens and takes away any sort of 'nice' feeling i may have had. I seem to be battling everyday trying to convince myself that taking my life is not an option i have but i desperately want to do so.

    Everyone i know around me seems to have been put on this earth for some apparent reason but not me no matter how much people will try and convince me i have a reason to be here as well i know its not true, i have no reason to be put in this world, im good at nothing (thats not a lie) i feel like a waste of space. All i want is to be taken away from here but im stuck here and i cant get away i hate it here i want to fuckin die. Why do people say life gets better? Its a lie i dont care if it gets better i want out, i dont want to wake up i hate life i hate living thinking feeling i hate it all, i dont want to love my family no more i want them to hate me so i can leave. Nothing will ever change because im so lost now i cant find my way back i want to be set free from this world but no one can help me to do it. All i want is someone to help me take me away from here.

    I hate myself for feeling like this, i keep it to myself i dont want sympathy theres people that are worse off than me but i still want to die the guilt of everything makes me feel worse, why did i have to be fuckin born why did'nt my life go to someone who deserves it, im not scared of dying im scared of leaving my family my mum would be destroyed but by me staying here im dying inside actually i think my soul is dead i have no one im all alone. Im tired of talking it resolves nothing it gives you false hope for a while things always go back to the way they were.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 20, 2007
  2. Isa

    Isa Well-Known Member

    I know that feeling.

    Sometimes there is no hope of release from this sadly.

    I hope you are not one of the people destined to live with this forever.