Death wish

[ac9ac9]

Hello internet, ill be killing myself soon and i think i want to talk about it.
My case is not just another "nobody likes me :sad:" or "im such a looser:unsure:".I guess its little more complicated.

Little about myself:
Im 19yr, i live in Ukraine(Something like Russia) Kiev(Capital), im a student of technical university, specialising in Information Technologies. Im some sort of geek right now, spending most of the time(read all the time) in internets watching movies/anime and reading comics/manga.

Little more about myself:
My childhood(5-16yr) i wasnt much different from people surrounding me, i was exploring world in every way i could: i travelled across europe alot, tried alot of hobbies, talked with most bizzare people.
Then (16-18yr) my personality was pretty much formed, i developed my own opinion pretty about anything and, point is, my perseption of the world differs greatly from people that surround me.This slowly led to shitload of problems.
I lost all of my friends, and didnt want to make new ones, i lost interest in real world, since i learnt the depth and beaty of virtual one, my parents got divorced(not my fault tho) etc
And now is the time for me to become "adult", take responsibilities, become a working bee of society and shit. And i just dont feel like it, because it sucks. Life sucks, everyone knows that, its just i dont have the strength to cope with it, i has nothing to depend on.So im thinking to end it, theres alot that i still wont to do(visit Tokyo for example), but fuck that, its not worth it.
I thought maybe theres someone to share some wisdom with me, well ill apretiate it.

 

[Abacus21]

Hey there..

When you say you 'lost all your friends' - was there a specific reason for this, that you can think of, or did you all drift all in your own directions?

You say that you've been feeling like this for a while - how long ago did this start?
Have you considered the possibility of going to your doctor, about how you've been feeling lately?

Take care..

 

[ac9ac9]

>did you all drift all in your own directions?
Yeah, i think we did. But i think its me who did most of the drifting, half of them started to look strange at me, other half told me "Your lost your mind".I know i did.
>how long ago did this start?
Suicidal feelings? about two-three years ago, i was finishing school, and i told myself "If the college wont bring much point to my life, im gonna end it." When i got to college nothing changed, and i spent much time analyzing myself, talking to people, looking for solution. But now im desperate, no choices left.
>going to doctor
While i know i have alot of mental issues(lolicon complex for example), and that doctors "treat" depression, i dont think some meds or pshyco-therapy gonna fix me.

Well maybe ill call suicide-suppot service tomorrow, but i dont expect much.What i really need is for someone to show me someting that i dont already know, some way to hanlde myself. Its pretty hard, cause im freakking wise myself.

 

[internetheaven]

Spend less than 1 hour on the internet per day and have 1-2 days a weeks where you don't use it at all. If you can accomplish that then the rest will start falling into place. Drugs will not help you're situation.

 

[ac9ac9]

>Spend less than 1 hour on the internet
I wonder how you imagining this, should i do knitting all day? gather mushrooms? Solitaire? go to anonymous internet addicts meeting?

 

[Petal]

>Spend less than 1 hour on the internet
I wonder how you imagining this, should i do knitting all day? gather mushrooms? Solitaire? go to anonymous internet addicts meeting?

He was only trying to help...

I think you would really benefit from visiting a doctor,you sound seriously depressed..Why don't you try making some new friends? :arms:

 

[Stranger1]

You definitley need to see your doctor and tell him/her everything. You also would benefit with a therapist!!Mine has worked miracles with me. I still have all those negative thoughts but have put them on the back burner for now. I am trying to stay positive. The only way to fail is to quit trying!! Take Care!!~Joseph~

 

[BioHomocide]

Visit Tokyo first! Maybe a trip to Japan will cleanse your mind and free you of the self loathing and hate.

Whatever you decide to do is your own decision.
Make the next decision a good one, pick something you believe in, choose a path that simplifies happiness.
I don't know you.... but please don't quit. :hug:

 

[ac9ac9]

Well i called "doctor", she sad im too radical in my decisions, she sujested i visit her at Saturday. I wonder if i can hold on that long.
>Why don't you try making some new friends?
I dont think thats possible.You know this saying "Frendship is only good in childhood, when youve got nothing to share."
>only way to fail is to quit trying!
Oh, trust me, its not the only way.
Visit Tokyo first!
I dont have the money.Besides im affraid if i do, there wouldnd be anything to wish any more.

Thanks for your posts, i appreciate that.

 

[Mightbehere]

Lovely choice of avatar..I'm not being sarcastic I think its a good choice.

 

[pit]

It's not written in stone that you must become a working bee of society. Browse, dream, create, meditate, but most of all, Be. And take it easy. People don't know how to do that anymore.

I can spend hours just staring into space. It's a gift, trust me.