Death wish

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ac9ac9, Oct 13, 2008.

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  1. ac9ac9

    ac9ac9 Member

    Hello internet, ill be killing myself soon and i think i want to talk about it.
    My case is not just another "nobody likes me :sad:" or "im such a looser:unsure:".I guess its little more complicated.

    Little about myself:
    Im 19yr, i live in Ukraine(Something like Russia) Kiev(Capital), im a student of technical university, specialising in Information Technologies. Im some sort of geek right now, spending most of the time(read all the time) in internets watching movies/anime and reading comics/manga.

    Little more about myself:
    My childhood(5-16yr) i wasnt much different from people surrounding me, i was exploring world in every way i could: i travelled across europe alot, tried alot of hobbies, talked with most bizzare people.
    Then (16-18yr) my personality was pretty much formed, i developed my own opinion pretty about anything and, point is, my perseption of the world differs greatly from people that surround me.This slowly led to shitload of problems.
    I lost all of my friends, and didnt want to make new ones, i lost interest in real world, since i learnt the depth and beaty of virtual one, my parents got divorced(not my fault tho) etc
    And now is the time for me to become "adult", take responsibilities, become a working bee of society and shit. And i just dont feel like it, because it sucks. Life sucks, everyone knows that, its just i dont have the strength to cope with it, i has nothing to depend on.So im thinking to end it, theres alot that i still wont to do(visit Tokyo for example), but fuck that, its not worth it.
    I thought maybe theres someone to share some wisdom with me, well ill apretiate it.
     
  2. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    Hey there..

    When you say you 'lost all your friends' - was there a specific reason for this, that you can think of, or did you all drift all in your own directions?

    You say that you've been feeling like this for a while - how long ago did this start?
    Have you considered the possibility of going to your doctor, about how you've been feeling lately?

    Take care..
     
  3. ac9ac9

    ac9ac9 Member

    >did you all drift all in your own directions?
    Yeah, i think we did. But i think its me who did most of the drifting, half of them started to look strange at me, other half told me "Your lost your mind".I know i did.
    >how long ago did this start?
    Suicidal feelings? about two-three years ago, i was finishing school, and i told myself "If the college wont bring much point to my life, im gonna end it." When i got to college nothing changed, and i spent much time analyzing myself, talking to people, looking for solution. But now im desperate, no choices left.
    >going to doctor
    While i know i have alot of mental issues(lolicon complex for example), and that doctors "treat" depression, i dont think some meds or pshyco-therapy gonna fix me.

    Well maybe ill call suicide-suppot service tomorrow, but i dont expect much.What i really need is for someone to show me someting that i dont already know, some way to hanlde myself. Its pretty hard, cause im freakking wise myself.
     
  4. Spend less than 1 hour on the internet per day and have 1-2 days a weeks where you don't use it at all. If you can accomplish that then the rest will start falling into place. Drugs will not help you're situation.
     
  5. ac9ac9

    ac9ac9 Member

    >Spend less than 1 hour on the internet
    I wonder how you imagining this, should i do knitting all day? gather mushrooms? Solitaire? go to anonymous internet addicts meeting?
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    He was only trying to help...

    I think you would really benefit from visiting a doctor,you sound seriously depressed..Why don't you try making some new friends? :arms:
     
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You definitley need to see your doctor and tell him/her everything. You also would benefit with a therapist!!Mine has worked miracles with me. I still have all those negative thoughts but have put them on the back burner for now. I am trying to stay positive. The only way to fail is to quit trying!! Take Care!!~Joseph~
     
  8. BioHomocide

    BioHomocide Well-Known Member

    Visit Tokyo first! Maybe a trip to Japan will cleanse your mind and free you of the self loathing and hate.

    Whatever you decide to do is your own decision.
    Make the next decision a good one, pick something you believe in, choose a path that simplifies happiness.
    I don't know you.... but please don't quit. :hug:
     
  9. ac9ac9

    ac9ac9 Member

    Well i called "doctor", she sad im too radical in my decisions, she sujested i visit her at Saturday. I wonder if i can hold on that long.
    >Why don't you try making some new friends?
    I dont think thats possible.You know this saying "Frendship is only good in childhood, when youve got nothing to share."
    >only way to fail is to quit trying!
    Oh, trust me, its not the only way.
    Visit Tokyo first!
    I dont have the money.Besides im affraid if i do, there wouldnd be anything to wish any more.

    Thanks for your posts, i appreciate that.
     
  10. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Lovely choice of avatar..I'm not being sarcastic I think its a good choice.
     
  11. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    It's not written in stone that you must become a working bee of society. Browse, dream, create, meditate, but most of all, Be. And take it easy. People don't know how to do that anymore.

    I can spend hours just staring into space. It's a gift, trust me.
     
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