I finally found a place where others are thinking like me. I have struggled with depression on and off for years. But I'm at my limit now. I cannot handle anymore emotional and mental agony. I beg God for death but it will not come. I want to kill myself, but I stop because of my sons. I love them, but they are growing up and when they r grown then I will serve no purpose at all I'm in my second marriage to a verbally abusive man who hates me, but I don't hate him and I just found out he has heart disease and my first husband died in a car accident. Life is nothing but pain and loss. I wish I wasn't scared to just end it already, but I am afraid of going to Hell. My roadblocks to finishing the job are only two, my sons and fear of Hell. Is there ever any relief for someone in this mental state?