Ideas & Opinions Death would honestly be better but Im a wimp

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jcare

New Member
#1
Long story short Im terrible. I k ow yoube read it tines and times before here but I well and truly am. I cant say why since I would be locked up for sure but I am and I know I wont ever be able change it. I have been fighting my entire life what I truly am and I know that if it ever comes out Ill ruin someones or multiple peoples lifes so bad they would want to die themselves. If it doesnt then Ill most likely get caught before it and swverly hurt and scar everyone around me. Just writing this post in and out of itself is selfish since it could lead to my arrest and hurt those I care about. But I just cant live with myself. I try and help charity by donating alm I can and helping people with the skills I git but I know that it will never make do for what I will eventualy do/make happen. No mayter how hard I try everything fails and the people who rely on me end up in pain. It has caused me to mostly lose care for others and my family just leacing me with my old principles which Im barely hanging onto to prevemt me fron becoming something worse then you can imagin. How could I possibly keep onivong knowing it will and has hutlrt everyone around me. Why would I not just ril this bandaid of now for everyone so mosylt of them can keep on living their lives recovering and enjoying instead of having to worry and fear me. The only reason for the last 12 years I havent killed myself is my own welfish desire to life. My just wanting to see what happens not caring enough for others pain eventhough I know the sucfwring will just get worse.
 

Walker

Admin
SF Social Media
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#2
Hi and welcome to SF. Typically bad people don't want to die because of things they've done, you know? They just continue to live guilt free. Good people, though, ruminate and feel crap about things. Do you want to give us an idea of what has happened to make you think you're so terrible? SF is anonymous. Nothing is collected here regarding your information so your anonymity is preserved.
Either way, I hope you find support here.
 

jcare

New Member
#3
Hi and welcome to SF. Typically bad people don't want to die because of things they've done, you know? They just continue to live guilt free. Good people, though, ruminate and feel crap about things. Do you want to give us an idea of what has happened to make you think you're so terrible? SF is anonymous. Nothing is collected here regarding your information so your anonymity is preserved.
Either way, I hope you find support here.
Unfortunately O can't due to legality. I was born woth something bad, I know it isnt my fault but I also knoe that nomatter the outcome it will severely hurting everyone I care about and who care about me. And if I'd tell anyone Id just make them an accomplish which would kust make their life worse. Even talking to a psych is no option in my country.
 

Anonymous ID

Well-Known Member
#4
Try not to be too hard on yourself, if it's not your fault it's not your fault. I know it's hard but try to distract yourself from thinking about it if there is nothing you can do to make it better. If there is something I can't tell people I write it down on a piece of paper as like a symbolic thing
 

Auri

🎸🎶Metal Star🎵🥁
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#5
Hi and welcome, @jcare . You said you were born with it and that it isn't your fault. How can it be that bad in that case? No one is born bad, no one deserves to be locked up if they haven't done anything bad.

You said talking about it to a psychiatrist in your country wouldn't be an option, or to any of your friends and family members. Do you think it is something considered dangerous and bad in your country, but not everywhere else?
How can knowing your secret severely hurt your loved ones? Physically, or emotionally hurt them?
 

Aurelia

🔥 A Fire Inside 🔥
SF Supporter
#6
Having made mistakes doesn't make you a bad person. Sometimes there are good reasons to do bad things, or even reasons that aren't entirely your fault. But I agree with @Walker that if you were a crappy person, none of this would bother you in the slightest.
 

JDot

remember to drink plenty of water
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#8
If you're born with it and it's not your fault, you must not be that terrible. A terrible person would have the intention of hurting others.
 
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