Long story short Im terrible. I k ow yoube read it tines and times before here but I well and truly am. I cant say why since I would be locked up for sure but I am and I know I wont ever be able change it. I have been fighting my entire life what I truly am and I know that if it ever comes out Ill ruin someones or multiple peoples lifes so bad they would want to die themselves. If it doesnt then Ill most likely get caught before it and swverly hurt and scar everyone around me. Just writing this post in and out of itself is selfish since it could lead to my arrest and hurt those I care about. But I just cant live with myself. I try and help charity by donating alm I can and helping people with the skills I git but I know that it will never make do for what I will eventualy do/make happen. No mayter how hard I try everything fails and the people who rely on me end up in pain. It has caused me to mostly lose care for others and my family just leacing me with my old principles which Im barely hanging onto to prevemt me fron becoming something worse then you can imagin. How could I possibly keep onivong knowing it will and has hutlrt everyone around me. Why would I not just ril this bandaid of now for everyone so mosylt of them can keep on living their lives recovering and enjoying instead of having to worry and fear me. The only reason for the last 12 years I havent killed myself is my own welfish desire to life. My just wanting to see what happens not caring enough for others pain eventhough I know the sucfwring will just get worse.