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Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by flowerpot, Aug 30, 2008.

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  1. flowerpot

    flowerpot Well-Known Member

    I can't stop thinking about it, and arghh.. I'm actually really really scared of death, and it's getting me all depressed and I don't want to die.

    It's weird but I never ever want to die, but I'm quite fine with suicide, I don't want to die because death isn't something that's up to you you're life is just taken away from it and you might not be ready and I don't want it to happen and I'm having a hard time accepting that it's real and actually going to happen, but suicide is my choice and when I do it, if i did it, I'd be ready for it and it would be what I wanted and it would be okay with me so it'd be fine, but death I'm too scared and I want it to go away.

    Like the thoughts that everything is going to be gone, no more, all over, and I know you probably won't feel or think anything when you're dead cos you're GONE but ahh.. now it's making me see everthing as a waste of time, like when you see a peice of clothing you like, or something you want, possessions, there's no point cos you're not going to have it forever and you're going to lose it once you're dead and there's no coming back
  2. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Those 5 little words are reason enough not to contemplate suicide. :hug:

    Do you want to talk about what's going on with you just now? I'm here to listen if you do.

    Take care & keep safe xx
  3. flowerpot

    flowerpot Well-Known Member

    Thanks heaps Claire.. well.. I don't really want to commit at the moment, I haven't felt actually suicidal in a while now, it's sort of gone, depressed yeah, but not like actually full on thinking I'm truly going to do it. I'm not sure why.. I was thinking maybe just because nothing terrible has happened in a while to really really REALLY upset me, like when you feel like you seriously can't be alive anymore and your freaking out and crying and feeling as if you're about to kill yourself etc. It's more that I've just been thinking about life and all it's shitness but I'm so over it and all so I'm just like blahhhh. I probably will never commit suicide, because when you think of it, in the past there was so many nights and times when I pretty much was dead set on it, but I still haven't. But you see I'm terrified of death, like all these thoughts have come to me all of a sudden and it's mostly what I've been thinking about and what's been making me feel like this.. the thought of death is making me feel depressed :dry: but not want to die? feeling depressed doesn't necessarily mean feeling suicidal right? like i might feel like it's not worth being alive anymore, but not actually like I'm actually going to end it. But I'd much rather die by suicide than natural death, which seems weird. Technically it's not much different but like I said before I'm not scared of suicide and I can do it when I'm ready and okay with it so it'll be what I want, unlike natural death. I know I just have to accept that we all day eventually, but I don't want to think about it like I do now, it's all I think about, well mostly. I don't know how to stop it, and then it's making me realise I have to commit eventually, when I'm ready, so that I don't die naturally. Even then though.. it's just getting me all depressed, I can't see the point in ANYTHING knowing that I'm going to die. Life is too confusing. There is too much. Like you know when someone asks you what's wrong? And usually when you ask someone else they just have one problem, and they deal with it and they're all dandy again, but no-one seems to understand that it's not like that at all. There's always something wrong, because there are so many things, it's life in general. There's things from the past that you can't get over, the way you just feel shit for no reason, someone did something to make you feel bad that day, you're thinking about depressing things, etc etc, so if one things fine, there's always the others. No one else gets that, like my friends or anything. If they say they want to help, it's like they can't, because there's always going to be bad things that have ruined life. Basically it's everything, and I know it can't be helped, so I have to get through it all by myself and accept that it's life, it's just this whole death thing that's really getting to me at the moment..
  4. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    You don't have to get through it by yourself Flowerpot, there are plenty people here who will try & help you.

    Depressed people aren't necessarily suicidal, there are probably loads of depressed people who have never even considered suicide. I think it just puts us at a higher risk of suicidal thoughts/tendencies. I can go for ages without even contemplating suicide then some trivial thing can set me back & have me thinking all sorts.

    To me, it seems like you need to try & break the vicious cycle of having these thoughts especially as it is adding to your depression. When you have these thoughts, do you try & do anything to distract yourself from them? I understand that you're scared of death, it's natural to be scared of the unknown so by thinking that you could theoretically take your own life you are removing the fear part from death by taking away the uncertaintity of it all.

    I don't know how things work where you are, but are you on any meds or in any kind of therapy or group? I know from my own experience, I used to think 'I can't pinpoint my depression on one specific thing cos there are so many going on in my head'...& even if I did get help with one there would always be something else to knock me back down. My therapist & cpn work with me to help me understand that my thinking & behaviour is all part of the depression...apparently we can be very negative & pessimistic people!

    Take care, keep safe & you know where I am :hug: xx
  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I know those feelings too hun. Death terrifies me!!! I dont want it but I need it. The thought of dying from my cancer eats away at me at what feels like every second of the day. But yet the feeling I get knowing I can commit suicide brings me a sense of control in what is the most uncontrollable aspect of my life, brings some comfort. I guess it all comes down to me having control issues as most of my life to date has be controlled by others or other things. Knowing I can control my final destiny to a point brings a sense of comfort.
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    You know something funny, I'm not suicidal and I don't fear death either. I've just accepted that we all have to die when our time is up and I just do whatever I can to stay healthy and prolong my existence. I'm always careful though, like when I'm driving or riding my bike to avoid getting into accidents. On one hand, I don't fear death, but on the other hand, I won't do anything that's risky or dangerous.
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