Death

Death just feels like another journey that i have to take.
It's going to be soon.
I know that, I also know it will be by my hand.
Am so fucking messed up at the moment, I have done so many bad things in my life. I know that i am evil and i should be dealt with in a manner that is fitting to those who are evil.
But i dont have that, i just have what i have ready available
I just have to wait for the right time to do it.

I cant call a crisis line at the moment because my husband can hear what am planning then so i have to wait until later before i can call anyone.

I know that people will tell me not to do it but i have to just need to float away from this life

 

I am so sorry you are hurting yourself so much...whatever was done, was done in the past...can you find someone to talk to and see if there is a way to start to forgive yourself? If you were not a good person, you would not feel bad right now...hope you continue to post and get the support and caring you deserve...J

 

I dont know if i can forgive myself , i just feel so bad

 

It is not an easy goal, but one worth keeping in mind

 

You need to hold onto your husbands love hold on to here where people care about you until you do find the meds that help or therapy that helps okay. It can get better it just takes alot of trial and error finding the right things to help hugs to you

 

Had a good day yesterday once the meds kicked in. Just took something. Hate the delay. Really hate Sunday's. Many times over the last month I wanted to give in, then would have a good day later. Just try to make the next hour.

 

The greatest meditation is a mind that lets go.
if you were a bad person you wouldnt feel this way, trust me you arent, try your hardest to forget about this. i have faith in you, im here if you want to talk:smile: