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Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by faleana, Jan 5, 2012.

  1. faleana

    faleana Member

    you ever wanted death so badly, you could almost smell it?
    where 99% of your daily thoughts went into it.
    you get so tired of hurting people,
    & being reminded of the painful past.
    death seems like the only solution?
    i feel like it is.

    i doubt i'll be on this planet long. everything just seems to keep piling up, & i'm already exploding.
    no one there to catch the fall, it's a long fall down.
  2. dragonfly70

    dragonfly70 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you're in this dark place right now. And yes, I have wanted death that much. But a small part of me also wanted life, and I sense that in you. There is a sense of you wanting to be happy, of you wanting to live in this and your other posts.

    There are people who can catch you when you fall, but you need to let them help you. Have you seen a doctor or therapist? Have you been to a psych hospital before? I have found them helpful and they have saved my life on many occasions. I'm not sure how old you are. I've been living with bipolar disorder in some form since I was about 7. I'm 41 now and I can tell you that hanging on is worth it. There is joy to be had in this life. But sometimes it takes things like medication and therapy.

    Please try to hear that small voice that wants to live. She's in there. You can move beyond your past. If there are people who aren't allowing you to do that, then maybe they're not worth having in your life anymore. And I mean family too. Family can be toxic to us sometimes. Who is that person who is constantly breaking you? Whoever they are, they are dangerous to your spirit and don't deserve to be in your life anymore.

    Please. Call someone who can help you with this. Go to a crisis center if you have to. Even if you've tried meds, therapy, and hospitals before, this time might be the time it's different. You're worth that chance.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun yes i have been where you are and yes that line god i get it. You need and want help hun you do so please do as said and call crisis line or your doctor and get the help to heal
    I hate it that you are in such pain hun there is help and you deserve kindness and compassion so please keep reaching out