Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by OhneDich, Jul 24, 2012.

  1. OhneDich

    OhneDich Well-Known Member

    Hello there...

    I've been trying to move on with my life, and I think I'm doing pretty well, but after my friend died and I knew about it, in january, I closed myself for other friends I've met here. I feel really bad about it. But I don't trust life anymore, I know everyone's going to die in some point, and many many things that happened this year showed me that. I don't even know if it's right to post this here, but at least I have a place to share my feelings. I'm scared, I don't want to lose anyone else, though I know I will.

    Waking up almost everyday thinking that someone you love might die due to diseases, life-taking accidents or suicide is TERRIBLE. The agony of thinking is too much.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Not too long ago, I went through a time when several people I loved dearly had died, and I had similar feelings...crying when my friends left my home because I may never see them again...the reality does not change when we go through this...just our perceptions and our feelings of loss and vunerablity...enjoy what you can from those who are here, and hope those who are not are watching over you...there is nothing more we can do...and if your friend loved you, this is what s/he would have wanted for you
  3. OhneDich

    OhneDich Well-Known Member

    thank you for the support, sad eyes. You are completely right, we have to enjoy every second with our dear ones... and just live...
  4. OhneDich

    OhneDich Well-Known Member

    He used to love Eminem. Then one day in january I was listening to random songs and this one came to my ears

    "And when I'm gone just carry on don't mourn
    Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
    Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
    And I didn't feel a thing
    So baby don't feel no pain just smile back"

    I got really scared and worried, and some days later I found out he wasn't here anymore... so I guess I have to keep smiling back, thinking he's ok :) after all he gave me some great happy times.

    Thanks again sadeyes!
  5. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    He used to like eminem... I can't listen to it anymore. big hugs to you nay. I'm feeling the same way and it makes me withdrawal from people, especially here since they could do the same thing at any moment.
  6. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    ((hug)) i feel afraid too.

    i can relate somewhat to this.
    i decided to isolate. push everyone away.
    figured i wouldn't have to worry about being close to anyone . less impacted if something happens or someone else chooses to exit on me. also that way when
    i go it won't affect ppl too much as i will no longer have close relationships.
    as much as i enjoy being alone, i've come to find my own company isn't so good. i no longer enjoy the things i was once passionate about, so i do nothing.
    this leaves me with just myself and i am terrible company and grow more and more weary of it each day. i never thought i could feel lonely, but i've found i have intense moments where i need someone. so i did try to allow for some closeness, then failed miserably at that, to the point of failure and causing pain. i'm miserable with myself and make others miserable, so back to my
    cave of isolation, with a new twist on things so i won't have to be aware so much :sad:
    personally, i don't recommend it.
  7. OhneDich

    OhneDich Well-Known Member

    I guess we're in the same situation then... I'm really trying to change that, I'm not sure if that's the correct thing to do right now. But let's see.
    Remember that if you need me, I'm here. I don't have any intentions to go anywhere :)

  8. OhneDich

    OhneDich Well-Known Member

    In my opinion... we have to suffer those impacts. Really not fair, but necessary so we can learn, grow and become better. And not only by impacts, but we need people. They make us feel less alone, with some bit of "completeness" that lasts at least for 1 second. We need that feeling and without that we're nothing.

    I don't recommend pushing people away either... and I'm fighting against it... hope you can fight it too!!

    Take care! :) and thank you!!