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Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Nessarose, Sep 27, 2007.

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  1. Nessarose

    Nessarose Well-Known Member

    I have never wanted to kill myself so badly. I don't even know *why* I want to kill myself. My depression is debilitating; "depression" isn't a strong enough word. Last night, I was having more trouble thinking I was possessed. I started praying and quoting the Bible and that gave me temporary relief. I thought I was fine.

    It's 12:35 noon and I haven't gotten any sleep today/ last night. I'm not even tired. Maybe this is contributing to my hopelessness.

    I want to tell my mom how I'm feeling, but I can't. She has worse back problems than I do and she's depressed enough herself. All I do is complain and "vent" on the Internet, and it pisses people off.

    I don't know why I feel like this. Usually, I have a reason, and usually, I don't feel as awful as I do now.

    I keep rubbing Icy-Hot on my back. It still hurts like h*ll. I'm on the verge of crying for no reason but I almost hope I do. Maybe it will give me some relief.

    Typing this helped a little. I just want peace that lasts.
  2. Nessarose

    Nessarose Well-Known Member

    Okay, so my mom came in while I was crying and comforted me. I think I'm going to start crying again but it feels good.

    My room is such a mess, I'm doing nothing with my life, I can't concentrate on anything but online forums. My mom said it's because I'm depressed and that I'll get better. I hope I do soon.
  3. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    If crying makes you feel better, do it up.

    I don't think telling your mother about your feelings of depression can hurt anything, that is, if you are sure she will be understanding and supportive.

    If you don't quite have the courage to reach out to close ones you care about and writing relatively anonymously online helps, then carry on doing that. Also, you might try physically writing in a notebook, I do.
  4. Nessarose

    Nessarose Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Lead :).

    Anyway...today, I feel like--well, I won't say what I feel like doing to myself or it will be edited--but I lust after everyone. I want to hurt myself so badly. I don't see how a Christian can be this depraved, and if I am a Christian, I don't see why God won't answer my prayers with a yes and let me have some spiritual peace. My heart is so hard. I think I'm long gone.

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