Decade of Days

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by Almost_There, Mar 1, 2010.

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  1. Almost_There

    Almost_There Active Member

    A Decade of Days

    Ten days more till the fall
    more hours to go, the promblem solved
    the soul that was forgotten released
    spirit finally gone, freedom to be seen

    Nine more to go, the plans layed
    Never to see past that darkend day
    A mark of birth and of the mistake
    scared from love and holding his hate

    Eight now, he can taste the mourning dew
    clearly breathing the end so soon
    looking around at his world gone
    hearing his short and saddend song

    Seven he looks at his calender with fear
    not enough time he thinks, its so near
    the choice he has, he knows so well
    but it wont end he thinks, this eternal hell

    Six more he thinks, as he goes about his tasks
    a few more, his love for himself in the lack
    he knows you cant love a monster
    a vessel of remorse, his sins his faulter

    Five more he begins his final week
    never more will he be one to seek
    the endless drone of the empty heart
    the burning be dowsed, released to the start

    Four more, his eyes go a little crazed
    nothing to stop him, but he doesnt want to be saved
    lead his life to try and be good and juste
    but he failed, accourding to the others

    Three now, his breathing begins to race
    seventy-two more hours, and it will be to late
    he counts the minutes like a death sentenced man
    but he welcomes this route, his final hand

    Two days now, grace so close
    has to be something more, for that he has hope
    but he knows he wont find it in this realm
    he'd go anywhere else for it, even another hell

    The day has come, he knows as he sets out
    notes written, curtains drawn, his last bout
    as he leaves he looks to the sky one last time
    closes his eys deed be done and softly says goodbye..
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    don't leave it is not necessary stay and get help support okay reach out lots of caring people here
     
  3. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    I suggest getting rid of the colored text, it's painful to read. I had to highlight everything.

    I like the style you wrote this in. It rhymed very well, and I could relate to this man. I especially liked this part: "A mark of birth and of the mistake
    scared from love and holding his hate"

    But there was a part that threw me off:

    "lead his life to try and be good and juste
    but he failed, accourding to the others"

    This line feels out of place, mainly it doesn't rhyme like the rest. Still, it was a good poem.
     
  4. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    wow.

    **tears**

    this really hits home for me.

    i lost someone through a countdown, and know someone else going through one.

    decade of days...really relates to one of these.

    keep writing!
     
  5. Almost_There

    Almost_There Active Member

    Ty I merely did the text like this to push the point of every day was/is different, new test, new ways, but in the end, it all leads to the same. Sorry about the line, it may of copied over wrong, I would say I will fix it but I do not have any of my poems on me atm or will I for a good while. Being homeless has that disadvantage.

    Ty all for your comments, and I hope you enjoyed the poem.
     
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