Tears... Thank you for all your replies and kind words! I was wiped out yesterday with Gastro so didn't get on comp.
I.V. ; Total Eclipse; Flowers; Love Being; and Papasmurf, thank you so much, your posts gave me the push I needed, I rang care co-ordinator only she wasn't answering her phone they said, so I just left a message to say I'd rung. Your posts opened the floodgates so loads of tears at the moment.
I think I may have exhausted their resources with me as I have a horrible feeling I have missed too many appts, I was waiting for them to get in touch after I mislaid calender again and well I think they're a bit fed up with me. I would be. I can't seem to keep track of anything let alone appt letters. I'm not sure if subconsciously I take less care of my own appts than I do my childrens.
Papasmurf, I am so glad you didn't kill yourself! You're right my family is my whole life, I had such a nightmare childhood that I vowed to be different and to give everything I have to trying to give my children the best childhood possible. I know I'm failing as they don't have friends round and aren't asked round (not sure if its due to their special needs.) still...
I am so sorry you have had such a hard time and I am sorry if my complaining is a bit triggering. It does seem selfish that I'm banging on about my family when so many don't have any family at all. You sound like such a nice thoughtful person, it doesn't seem fair. I hope you have friends who care and help fill that void?
I am such a mess, I have such panic attacks that I don't do stuff on my own other than the obligatory school run, even then I have to psych myself up and take a Kalms and then its rush there, try to appear ok, keep my head down and rush back to shut the door and pray no one knocks or rings, if they do I'm too scared to open the door anyway so any friends I had have given up on me, I even struggle with phone calls so I don't ring or answer so ringing centre for care co-ordinator was a big thing for me.. if it wasn't for my family I definitely wouldn't be here and because I love them that I believe they'd be free-er without me.