Its my fault he has the bone disease in the first place. I deserve to die for passing this on to my children!
I know that I've said some silly things - hopefully not here - well, actually - I should at least make one post when I'm feeling bad - but I have my own system there.
Well - what you say in quotes - kinda Hitler like really! Your actually lining up anyone with a genetic disorder and saying "Lets kill them and stop this happening to others"
And children with genetic disorders? Surely - the mixed up thoughts you have and I have - do actually lead us to say some things which in hindsight - we are horrified at!
Well - don't be horrified - I've told people I would nuke the world for feeling down - and it is a teeny bit over the top! In reality - if I did nuke the world - I'd feel bery bad about it afterwards - as I realised everyone here was dead - and I'd be a depressed guy - whose only cure was helping others.
I'd have nobody to say "Don't kill yourself peacelovingguy"
Apart from like a million voices in my head screaming "Die you bas**** die!"
Actually singing it - like a football crowd - and the chant of 'die you bas**** die!" is a real chant - we sing it when some player falls over and cries. I mean the other teams players! lol - football! What the hell am I talking about that to you for Ditsy? I'm trying to persuade you live!!!!
Anyhow - I'm raising the one quote off you to persuade you that we all say silly things - and we have moments in which thinking is clouded and flawed. We come here to this fantastic forum because we know we can say things - we can confess to the stuff we cannot say to others - not even loved ones.
The most I've ever said to a loved one is "I tried some anti depressants - they were **** - I felt like dying - but hey ho!" - I'm casual about it - but only ever told one person to their face.
And my doctor also - I see him once every 4 weeks and say "I still feel like dying everyday" - He hates people who do not beleive in depression - he has seen enough people in my area buy a ticket via suicide. Anyhow - I have no reason to be depressed - apart from just having it.
I got no ex issues - had parents who loved me - never got abused - got bullied - done some bullying - decided to just bully bullies as it feels right somehow. I liked school - never went to uni and I could fool ANY psych because I think most of them have more issues than me.
I saw a psych aged 15 - he was fascinated - I tried to steal his wallet - he was - er, given a wake up call maybe.
But he said I was normal despite the fact I told him I could cheerfully blow up the school. This was before the war on terror when you could joke about blowing up things. These days - its like - jail for joking at American passport control - tell them you have a bomb and Allah told you to use it- they will not laugh! You cannot even scare the pilot mid flight these days by saying 'This is a hijack' Bah! Spoil the fun in life!
Anyhow - sorry for the diversion there!
back on topic....
You have some genetic disorder - you found out when your child was born.
ANY of us could have a child - and for a myriad of reasons that child may only have a short life span. Children with cancer for example - I've known a few and the parents - sure they blame themselves - every parent of a child who suffers anything will blame themselves - but they know its a process - we blame ourselves - but we tell others and they tell us to not be silly. To think again!
Your child has love from you - I can sense that - you'd die to save him - and if the docs said they needed to chop off your head to save him - you'd say "Sharpen the knife!"
But we rarely get the chance to actually be able to sacrifice our life for others. Soldiers perhaps - they might get that chance - and I envy them in some ways because that kind of love for a brother - its why soldiers always feel a great sense of kinship with each other.
In our life - we can only give of our lives - our time - our energy - our love. Sometimes children get ill - and its the hardest part of life I guess. For a parent - another life is more important than theirs. For many people its having a child which taps into this level of love. This is a shame really as we have this love in us - regardless of being parents or not.
I think children bring it out of people.
Its hard to sit with some children aged 5-11 and not not feel the love they have - I mean - that unconditional kind of love - the caring and easy way they express it.
And you son - with his condition - I'm sure you have felt this from hi,. Indeed it is part of the reason you will not die.
As for counselling - you are charged because the household income is such you cannot get benefits?
Surely - there is a way here. My brain schemes - in the UK there are ways and means. You live together and are penalised for it!
Surely a disabled child - those demands - the sheer pressure - we ought to be able to get counselling on the NHS or via some charity for mums like you coping with very difficult circumstances.
Do you not claim any benefits?
If you struggle to pay £25 for counselling - well - I'd suspect you could claim something and many think they are too proud to claim.
NO!!!!!!
Its actually stupid not to claim!
You owe it to those who fought for this right.
Anyhow if you need help do PM us as I know people into this - professionals who deal with maybe a dozen cases a day and win almost all of them. Good women who care and work hard to make sure we get what is ours.
I have no shame there.
I've paid in - now I'm taking it out.
Good luck Ditsy!
It gets better - I'm 46 and feel like being 42 was cool - but now its like ice.
My prayers and best wishes for your son and your other child.
Stand as one with me - now we ate two - and the army increases!!
We will be millions before long - prisons overflowing - actually falling over!
And still we march onwards - everything in our path will fall - and if I fall - throw my body at whatever loser stands in our way - I'll come back to life and clone myself!
You gotta be optimistic IF you have one tiny hope in the UK.