After years of contemplating what is wrong and working towards a better life I finally figured out what is wrong with my life and that suicide is my only option out. "You aspired to greatness when you were younger, but either through lack of industry or lack of discipline or simply lack of genius you didn't achieve greatness. The years go by and you realise: 'I'm this mid-level guy.' I did the best I could" and there in lies the problem. All my life I thought I was special, that I was capiable of doing great things and I realised today that well frankly I am not, I did the best I could but I am still just one in a million, and that's my problem I can't live like that. I see my father wake up, go to work, go home, and go to sleep, and then do the entie routine the next day, like a zomibe, with no emotion or hapiness or anything like that and I knew at a very young age that I can't live like that, in fact I would rather die, so thats what I am going to do, not today but soon, once I get my affairs in order. I will never achive what I hope to achive and living like everyone else just seems to painful and honestly boring, and I if this is all that life has to offer me, I would rather not take it.