As soon as the thunderstorm passes, I have to make a decision: do I purchase the one-way ticket back to Australia or do I get one to a nice, distant land and have a little holiday before ending it all? Back in Australia I'd have to live with my parents and let them abuse me like they did throughout my teens and early twenties, when I was similarly friendless, jobless and worthless. Although I haven't spoken to them about this, so maybe they won't even let me come back! My therapist yesterday told me he didn't understand my attraction to the suicide option. I think it sounds fantastic, so heavenly, to be at eternal rest. No one to abuse me, never having to do a job I hate. Not having to loathe myself each time I pass a mirror or when I reflect inwardly on the shit-pile I've made of my life. No worries, just sweet, sweet peace forever and ever.