Decision time

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by katrina77, Oct 1, 2012.

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  1. katrina77

    katrina77 Guest

    It has finally come time for me to make a decision. I am in a miserable marriage, and my husband is abusive. I have only stayed because I depend on him for money, as I can't work because of health issues.

    But I can't take it anymore. The fighting, the anger, never sleeping from stress, wanting to just get out any way I can.

    If I just leave, I'm on the streets, and I won't last long with my health issues.

    So, do I just end my life? At least I won't have to wake up tomorrow, with this nightmare. And better off I do it quick, then wait to die on the streets. I have survived a lot, and it's a shame to just give up, but my God, I can't take this nightmare another day. I don't know what the afterlife holds, but it has got to be better than this.......
  2. Finance

    Finance Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for your situation....that afterlife question is with me, too.
  3. katrina77

    katrina77 Guest

    Funny, I use to have a lot of Faith, but most of that is gone. I'm not sure anymore if there is a Heaven or Hell, but I'm pretty sure Hell can be where we are on Earth at times. As much as I'm not sure what will happen in the afterlife, living my life the way I do know is sure as anything Hell.
  4. prakash

    prakash Well-Known Member

    Hang in there. Hang on to life. Many people are in bad marriage. They find a way out. We should solve problems of life and not take easy way out via suicide. We are with you. God is with you. Have faith in God. Have faith in people in this Forum and have faith in yourself.
  5. katrina77

    katrina77 Guest

    Thank you. I'm trying, but not doing well at it.

    I had seriously considering ending my life, even got everything prepared for it. My adult son is living with us, and figured out what I was going to do, and why, and said he would end his life as well if I did. God, I hate myself for making my son feel that bad.

    I tried to talk to my husband. He is unwilling to end the marriage. I know it is because it would mean losing the home, and ruining us financially, not because he would miss me. I sometimes wonder that if I try to force him to let me go, if he will snap and kill me. I don't care anymore, but I don't want him to hurt my son, or have my son hurt himself because his father took the life of his mom.

    God, I hate that man. And I hate myself for staying this long.
  6. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    You stated you can't leave your husband because you would be on the street... and then you said your husband won't divorce because he'd lose the house.

    Why don't you go see a legal professional or someone who can help advocate for you. You do not have to be on the street, especially if your husband is abusing you.

    Have you built a paper trail of evidence of the abuse?
  7. katrina77

    katrina77 Guest

    By the time we paid off mortgage, bills, etc., after selling the house, there would be nothing left.

    There is no paper trail of the abuse. I had seen several counselors in the past who pushed me to leave him, and there are several people, including my son, who know a lot of what has happened.

    My husband was suffering from depression, drug addiction, and a lot of other issues when we got married. I helped him get off the drugs and alcohol, and get his life together. But he never really got over the depression. And over the years he stopped blaming his family for everything wrong in his life, and put the blame all on me, even though I was helping him. Basically, he won't take responsibility for his own life and problems. He both needs, and has anger for, me. If I say I'm going to leave, he loses it, and becomes very afraid. While I do feel sorry for him, I'm sick of letting him destroy me because he has issues. But he doesn't want to end the marriage. It would be a lot easier if he did.
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