This can't go on like this. I'm so fed up with all these disappointments. Not only the big things, I get disappointed with little things. I just wanted to be happy. But now I see it is impossible. I have loved a lot. I have had a couple long-term relationships, and they have all ended because the guy found their THE ONE. I am officially the one the men are with before they find the love of their life. And I must say, I have never been so serious with the men before. But now I have found the love of my life and after 1,5 years of relationship, I found out that he's looking for THE NEXT ONE. I have this curse of being "the last one before the right one", I suppose he will find HIS right one soon. It is a pitty that he is the right one for me. And I knew from the beginning that there won't be the next one for me. Aither we will live together ever after together or... And everything else, too. My mother and father and my sisters... they have never paid much attention to me. And I have gove thru a violent relationship. And everything else.. I'm so fed up with life. Why isn't there any chanse that the slightest thing would go right for me? NO CHANSE? Why do I have to be the one to be all by myself all the fucking time? I just wanted love and happiness. Simple things. Kisses in the mornings, friendship, laughs. Impossible. I CAN'T have any of that. So I have a plan. I will have a medication for insomnia and panic attacs and I will take it all for once and kill myself. That is it. I have seen all that life has to offer me and I don't like it. Just one friend, just this one guy that I wanted to love me truly, just my parent accept me for what I am, just one person who would be interested in me - nothing. So, I am going. Would you like to be my friend for the rest of my life?