Ive been through a lot in my life, experienced a lot of things, good and bad. Ive had to literally go through hell to get where i am today and ive now been clean for 3 years. But npw the reality of what ive done to myself has started. Ive got Hepatitis C due to injecting drugs. At the time when i was using i didnt really care, i was using so it didnt really register in my mind. When i got myself clean i had a blood test and found out ive got the hardest type to treat, genotype 1b, which has a 20% success rate of clearing with interferon. For those who dont know interferon is a retro viral which for all intents and purposes is chemotherapy, its also what they give to HIV patients when most other treatments have failed to keep it in check, its really nasty. Nevertheless i still went on it 20% or not, in my mind it was gonna succeed. 6 months of hell i went through when i was on it. I lost my hair, i was stuck to my bed for 2 days after every injection etc. 6 months later it didnt work. Now they have brought out a combination therapy alongside with interferon specifically designed for the type that ive got but the success rates are between 50-80%. I have now gotta go through hell for another 6 months in march but this time im hardly optimistic at all. For those who dont know Hep C is a disease of the blood and as such destroys the liver and its the nastiest ways to die. Where i am in relation to it is my liver is showing signs of cirrhosis so this is basically my last chance because if this doesnt work they have given me a life expectancy of between 3-5 years. Im just sick and tired of so called professionals in the NHS giving me hope. I fucking hate them for that. At the same time this wasnt the way i envisaged dying. I didnt come off heroin and crack just to be fucked over like this, i wanted to sorty my life out and have very nearly suceeded, im clean, i have someone i love more than anything and someone who loves me just as much, im getting into the career ive always wanted and yet if this doesnt work its all gonna be taken away. Ive accepted what will happen so thats not the problem, its the people im leaving behind that mean so much to me. So yeah im scared, angry and all loved up all at once.