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Decisions, decisions.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by ConfusedSilence, Dec 7, 2011.

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  1. ConfusedSilence

    ConfusedSilence Well-Known Member

    So my therapist/counsellor told me that since a lot of my problems stem from my home life, I can only hope to treat half of my problem unless I bring in my parents. My parents don't know that I used to have (and still kind of do) have an eating disorder, or that I regularly self-harm or that suicide doesn't seem like such an outlandish prospect sometimes. I don't tell them for a reason. I like the way that things are with my dad. He's busy a lot so we get on fine when he isn't. With my mum, it's different. We clash and I don't want to blame it all on her because I'm probably being ridiculously unfair and it's probably all my fault, but when I'm angry it's easier to deal with it because I know that she has nothing on me. She can't twist things if she doesn't know what problems I have. Also, my home is my fortress. I can pretend to be normal and happy when it's just me in my room. I'll constantly have them looking over my shoulder if I open up.

    If I tell them, my life gets dramatically worse but may get better in the long run (not seems unlikely to me).

    I don't tell them and my life stays were it is. I stay how I am and continue to be okay sometimes.

    I'm just asking for advice, so anything you think would be helpful.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think being open is the best hun then you don't have that stress anymore of pretending all is well You don't have that fear of them finding out they will know and yes they will be cautious for awhile but they will get you the help you need hun to get better hugs
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Maybe there is a way to not have to tell everything at once...work with your therapist about what to disclose and how...and have a game plan, predicting what they might say and how you are going to respond...maybe role playing the conversation with him/her would be useful
  4. I'm in a similar situation, and this is something I've been thinking a lot about lately. The solution I came up with, though I guess it's more of a plan of action than a solution, is to tell my brother first. With his support, I believe that when the times comes to tell my parents, it won't be as bad, because I'll have a safety net. I thought I'd start with my mom, because she is more understanding, and then my brother, my mother and I would tell my dad together. He's the tough one, so with two people on my side, it would be harder for him to explode on me.

    I don't know if you have any siblings, so I'm not sure if this would work with your situation, but maybe you have a cousin, or a really close friend? Someone you can really talk to who could help you deal with your parents? Anyway, that's what my therapist and I decided could help me face my parents. I've realized in therapy that everything has to be a gradual process. If I just plunge myself into uncomfortable situations, it will likely not help as much as it will just upset me. So maybe you can just tell them one thing at a time, and even if they do get upset with you, it is important to remember that it is likely just out of concern for you. :/ parents tend to react with anger to these kinds of issues because they're scared for you, and might even feel guilty, like they went wrong in raising you and it's somehow their fault. :/
  5. ConfusedSilence

    ConfusedSilence Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys. To be honest I'm fine with telling my dad, and my little brother probably wont care, but it's just my mum that I'm worried about because we fight so much. It just feels like this is something that she'll use against me when we fight. It's not fair for me to ask my dad to keep secrets from her but I can't see any other option, so I'm stuck doing nothing.

    Hoping something's going to spring out of the woodwork and take care of the problem for me.
  6. Sais

    Sais Well-Known Member

    A solution might be getting out of the environment that causes your problems.
    Or spending less time there. I don't know, maybe you could find activities you love doing
    to keep you outside the house for as long as possible per day. (Just trying to help)

    Hope it gets better :)
  7. ConfusedSilence

    ConfusedSilence Well-Known Member

    I'm not in a position where I can move out, and I'm only in on Monday and Sunday afternoons and nights.

    Thanks anyway. :/
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