DeeKay's Twisted Mind >.<

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DeeKay, Mar 26, 2008.

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  1. DeeKay

    DeeKay Member

    Hi, this is my first post here. This looks like a nice community. I hope to make friends with you all and have nice discussions. I feel foolish posting this, sort of, as I haven't heard of anyone else thinking like I do. So well, here it goes. >.<; Tell me if this is odd. I want to kill myself or die in some other fashion, so I can get out of this world. I hate humans, I hate this world, I hate this life. I really wonder what happens when you die. I don't want to be human, I know that much. Animals are nice, but still... I want to know what happens when you die. And what better way to find out than by killing yourself? I'm sure this sounds odd. But then again we are all a little messed up in the head I think. I just don't like it here, I want to get out of this world, and away from humans. I want to know what happens when I die, and since I don't like it here, I don't want to wait for myself to die in 60 years or whatever. What would really be sad though, is if I died, and came back as a human again. That would really piss me off. But then again, I wouldn't know it. I guess it all depends on what you think happens when you die. None of us really know, and I don't think we ever will. But I wouldn't mind killing myself to find out. Although I am chicken >.< But I'll get around to it some time, I hope. Many people say, if you don't like your life, change it. Well, I would have to say to them, it can't be changed in the way I want it to be changed. This world is completely screwed up. Humans are generally evil, and we are all killing each other anyway. Why not kill myself? First of all, money. What is the deal with money? I think it's the stupidest thing around! Money truly is the root of human evil. People are killed over money. The world is destroyed over money. Money is evil. Humans are evil. You should be allowed to kill yourself. You should be allowed to kill someone who is on their deathbed if they want you to. But noooo. Everyone wants to save you. Everyone wants to save everyone else. They want to keep you alive when your 90 years old and have so many problems your confined to a hospital bed. That is so so stupid. Why? Really... why? Let them go. If someone wants to leave this world, let them leave in peace. Don't try to keep them alive. If they are trying to kill themselves they are meant to kill themselves. Stop intervening. I really am sorry, this seems to have turned into a rant of sorts. I just have a lot on my chest. Things I really don't like about this world and the people in it. This is all why I want to die and leave this place. And since I obviously can't depend on anyone else to do the job for me, I will have to do it myself. But no, I'm not going to jump up, go out, and try to kill myself. I believe an opportunity will present itself in due time. I do not believe in God, Heaven, and Hell. But I do believe there is some type of higher power, as we are higher than animals. And that there is fate and destiny... AND freewill. Your life is planned out for you, but you do alter that plan. So however you alter it, it is still a plan. So for instance, if you want to kill yourself, like me for example, and you do succeed, your life path ended at you killing yourself. Meaning it was MEANT to happen. Please reply, I want to hear your thoughts. I know I probably don't sound normal. :( I'm sorry. I just have a lot of thoughts in my head. What do you think?
     
  2. BOLIAO

    BOLIAO Guest

    You are right that Money is the root of evil. The saddest thing is that money rules this world. Without money, I can't survive.
     
  3. ari

    ari Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the Site. I think you will be able to find support and friendship here. take care and be safe. ari
     
  4. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    I must say you have written some interesting theories and thoughts. I agree with a lot of this, only I dont agree that everyone is evil. And you have mentioned that you might not sound like a normal person. But im asking you: Do you know some person who is completely normal? And, what can you define as normal? Just like you said... freewill...
     
  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hey DeeKay, I've finally come to a point in my life that I dont think there is a standard for normal any longer. So hun, none of us can be normal. Welcome to the "unnormal" club!!! You have some real thought provoking theories and ideas there. Hope you keep posting and get a chance to hash them out with members here.
     
  6. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    Hi DeeKay, I have had the same kind of thoughts as you so I don't think they are strange at all, even though they could be a little distorted. The question I would like to know is why are you so unhappy? Is it a general feeling of anger at the evilness in the world, or is there something in your personal life that is bothering you? Sometimes when we analyze the true source of our unhappiness, it isn't for the reasons we thought.
     
  7. perry_mason

    perry_mason Well-Known Member

    thats so right. and to be honest, most of the time i think they are doing it for their own satisfaction just so they can say they helped somebody save their life. i wish i was wrong but i really think its like that now, nobody really truly cares.
     
  8. DeeKay

    DeeKay Member

    You all seem to agree with me. I thought I was nuts :D

    Well, peacegirl, you're probably right. There probably is something else inside me that I don't know about. I really don't have a bad life imo. I mean, not as bad as many other people. But I do hide my feelings and thoughts and pain most of the time. I think I just have never really been happy. I look at most things differently than other people, atleast the people that are around me. And they all say I'm wrong in thinking about things the way I do. But I feel very right. People just don't understand. Seeing you guys agree with me makes me feel good.
     
  9. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    I understand what you're going through. I've had my share of negative thoughts, mainly about myself. My self-esteem problem reflected how I saw the world and how I reacted to it. In turn, I got back from the world exactly what I perceived the world to be...ugly and mean. When I changed my thinking, the world got a lot nicer. I didn't realize I owned some of the feelings I had. I always thought that I was not responsible for how I saw reality. I believed what I saw was real. Now I know the world is not as bad as I once believed. That gives me hope.
     
  10. DeeKay

    DeeKay Member

    I look at the world in a negative way. I always try to be prepared for the worst so if something bad happens, I was expecting it. And if something good happens I am happy. It keeps me from being let down too much when something doesn't work out. It helps me, but I don't think it is good for me.
     
  11. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    There are things happening in today's world that previous generations didn't have to worry about as much. And with the media constantly reporting such sad stories all day long, it's no wonder we feel so negative. But I do see glimmers of hope; a new shift in consciousness that I hope will lead us to a better world; a world that is more loving and kind. I believe it's occurring right now but you have to look for signs or you'll miss it.
     
  12. DeeKay

    DeeKay Member

    I really wish it was that way. Kindness goes a long way. I would probably be much happier if I felt more love growing up. I know I wish I had more love around me right now, but not even my parents show love for eachother. They are always in their rooms and I am in mine. (Although my mom is usually not home, she works all day) But when she is, she is in her room. So I live on my computer.

    I really do wish I was loved more. I wish had a girlfriend or something >.< someone to love me all the time.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 26, 2008
  13. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    I think the most basic human need is the need to love and be loved. Have you shared your feelings with your parents?
     
  14. DeeKay

    DeeKay Member

    I haven't. I'm sure they know anyway. They act like that with eachother and don't change. This is a dysfunctional family. :( I knew someday I would want to commit suicide. I guess thats just how it goes. Wonder when it will happen.
     
  15. You are right, DeeKay. This world is so mean and it causes so much fear and isolation. I'm so alone, hurt, and scared because of this world. I understand your feelings of wanting to leave it.
     
  16. astella

    astella Well-Known Member

    If you're going to be cynical, at least make valid criticisms. For example, money isn't evil. People can use money for "evil" purposes, like buying weapons, or "good" things, like donating to a group like the ACLU or Amnesty International. You're simply repeating random phrases instead of thinking about the validity of what you say, which happens far too often.

    And if you kill yourself, you'll most likely be disappointed with the results, that is, if you could be.
     
  17. DeeKay

    DeeKay Member

    You may have misunderstood the money thing. Not how you USE money, but money itself is evil. People are killed for money. The 911 "attack" (smirk) was faked for the public, and people died, over MONEY.

    And when/if I do kill myself, anything would be better than this world. No one knows what happens when we die. So I hope for what I want to hope for.
     
  18. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    I have had suicidal thoughts, especially in my teenage years, but I found tools that helped me. I believe you are crying for help and that's a beginning. You are reaching out to others. Do you know how powerful that is? This is a first step toward a new way of understanding the ups and downs of life.
     
  19. astella

    astella Well-Known Member

    With that kind of logic, it's no wonder you're, apparently, a 9/11 "truther". Wanting for things to be true doesn't make them true. This applies to both conspiracy theories advocated by amateur documentaries that seem, on their surface, credible, and what will happen to you when you die.
     
  20. DeeKay

    DeeKay Member

    I don't have time for people like you, and I'm not going to waste my breath on you.
    To put it simply, GTFO. Thank you.
     
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