Deep Depression and love is gone

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by inkspring, Oct 1, 2009.

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  1. inkspring

    inkspring Well-Known Member

    I've been sleeping almost all day every day this week. I had a few older bottles of pills stashed in my nightstand for when I'm ready for the end. I put 2 of them on top of my nightstand next to my husband's glasses knowing he'd be looking for them. He just picked them up. Did he not notice them or does he not care? Now what? He has asked me earlier if he should take me to the hospital. What am I going to say--"Yes"? No--so he takes no initiative about anything. What am I supposed to think about all thia? He wants me dead? Maybe in his heart of hearts he does. Bipolar has killed hundreds of thousands of marriages. Why should mine be different? Life just isn't worth it then. I guess that's it then. I just will have to let my rage loose so I can gather up my nerve. There's nothing left--life is shit.
     
  2. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    I think you should talk to your husband, the uncertainty about what your husband feels about you seems to be eating you from the inside so maybe it's best to stop playing games and just ask? No matter what his answer would be, you would be better for being doubtless.
     
  3. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Most people cannot understand the depth of our feelings and despair. Also, they are not trained to know what to do for us. I think your husband does care because he did ask if you need him to take you to the hospital. He cannot read your mind and he depends on you to let him know when you need to go.

    I understand the need to sleep a lot. I used to do that all the time. Nowadays, when I need to sleep a lot, I love it. It's a great vacation from depression.

    :hug:
     
  4. bluepotatoe

    bluepotatoe Active Member

    I'm bipolar too so I know what it's like, I sleep so much during depression that I never get any work done.

    it is harder to OD on pills than you think, I almost had a liver failure, just surviving the whole ordeal was a very very painful process.

    I hope that you are able to talk about it to your husband, and he is understanding enough to help you through it.

    The thoughts of suicide is something I have to fight all the time, it helps to know that you aren't the only one who feel this way, living one day at a time. I guess that's why we're here, seeking help and helping others to cope with the pain.
     
  5. inkspring

    inkspring Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for your replies and concern. Hubby started asking me questions and he and I agreed I needed to go to the hospital.

    I thought it would be a terrible experience but I was truly blessed by living with 20+ other mentally ill, loving, caring people. I'll have to tell you what I learned that has forever impacted my life in another post. It's late (1:30 am).

    Hugs,
    Inkspring

    PS: Hubby & I are learning to talk about what goes on in my bipolar brain + the PTSD. :stars:
     
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Well I am glad your husband came around..You should have told him outright that your having problems.. It would have saved you alot of heartache and time..Sometimes it takes us men time to figure out what women are hinting at.. Keep the communcation open with him.. I'm sure he will be alot of support for you.. And then you have us to offer you supprt also..Good luck at the hospital.. Don't hold anything back.. They need to know everything so they can put together a treatment plan for you..
     
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